Needing Advice!!!
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Needing Advice!!!
| Wed, 08-22-2007 - 12:06am |
I seperated from my hushand of almost 16 yrs, its been 6 months now. He had a girl that was living with him for about 4minths of that time. I had a basically friend with benefits relationship, which I eneded the the benefits part already. Didn't think was fair. We have two boys together, my husband and I. His girlfriend which he clams wasn't anything like that. He basically says it was a like getting even with me for leaving issuse, not a boyfriend/girlfriend one.
Anyways, My husband was in the hosp not to long ago. I spent time with him there. He had open heart surgery like 2 yrs ago. I always told him after I left that I would be there for him always. That I would always love him and care about him. The boys are always saying something about us getting back together. I told him if that was ever to happen we needed to talk first. So he called and we talk ed, if you want to call it that. I kept bringing up the issuse with him and the other girl. I ended up getting mad.
I told him that I just can't move back in and try to solve the problems like that. I don't want to end up leaving again. He wants to know if I want to come back. Come back to him and not just because of the boys. I know that part, that it can't be like that. But, We leave in two different towns. He has the boys. I basically live alone right now. I just don't know how I can move in and work things out that way.
My boys seem to be getting in trouble more, more since I left. I told him that maybe we should take them to start seeing a counslor.
I guess, I just don't know how to handle the part about working things out, being in two different towns. Is that to much to ask? To talk more first and spend time together before moving in? I just don't know.
When he talks about the boys getting in trouble, I do feel like I need to move back in, I know its because of them. I don't see myself being able to divorce him. But I can't expect him to wait around and wait to see what I decide. He told me he won't and he will get on with his life. I just don't know. I want to, but theres something else holding me back.
Sorry this is so long, but its so hard to explain in a short version.
Anyways, My husband was in the hosp not to long ago. I spent time with him there. He had open heart surgery like 2 yrs ago. I always told him after I left that I would be there for him always. That I would always love him and care about him. The boys are always saying something about us getting back together. I told him if that was ever to happen we needed to talk first. So he called and we talk ed, if you want to call it that. I kept bringing up the issuse with him and the other girl. I ended up getting mad.
I told him that I just can't move back in and try to solve the problems like that. I don't want to end up leaving again. He wants to know if I want to come back. Come back to him and not just because of the boys. I know that part, that it can't be like that. But, We leave in two different towns. He has the boys. I basically live alone right now. I just don't know how I can move in and work things out that way.
My boys seem to be getting in trouble more, more since I left. I told him that maybe we should take them to start seeing a counslor.
I guess, I just don't know how to handle the part about working things out, being in two different towns. Is that to much to ask? To talk more first and spend time together before moving in? I just don't know.
When he talks about the boys getting in trouble, I do feel like I need to move back in, I know its because of them. I don't see myself being able to divorce him. But I can't expect him to wait around and wait to see what I decide. He told me he won't and he will get on with his life. I just don't know. I want to, but theres something else holding me back.
Sorry this is so long, but its so hard to explain in a short version.

Welcome to the board i_gwennie,
I think marriage counseling would be very beneficial for your relationship. You need to sit down and discuss the issues that caused you to seperate and see if you can come up with ways to resolve them.
You said there was something else holding you back. Do you know what that is? If not, counseling would help you figure it out.
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As for the counseling, I have mentioned it to him. He I think was ok with it or still is. Not to sure anymore. The last three days we have been doing nothing but fighting.
I sometimes think they would help, but other times think why bother, it won't do any good. I know you shouldn't go in thinking that. But just earlier on the phone, he asked me a straight honest question, and that was do you want to be with me?
I answerd yes to him, but with everything we have been doing lately I don't see how it will work. Sometimes and mainly mostly, I want to be with him, but I don't want the how whole again. I just don't know anymore. Have we been seperated to long, to be able to work things out? I keep stressing myself out over this. Is the answer right there in front of me?
And also, I know I just can't move back in there, why because things won't change not just saying on his part but mine also. I just don't see how that would work. Does anyone think different or think the same?
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Gwennie....