Should I worry?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Should I worry?
11
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 10:39am

My boyfriend recently asked me if I would ever allow him to have sex with a man "just to see what it's like"... He claims not to be attracted to men, and that it's simply the sex that turns him on. I told him I wouldn't ever give him permission to do that, and he was understanding. However he DID ask me to use a strap-on for him a few days ago. That didn't really bother me, and I thought it could also be fun for me, so I did, and it was enjoyable for me (though not as much as sex). He, on the other hand, thinks he may enjoy it more than sex, and is in the process of shopping for a bigger strap-on. I also don't think he's completely let go of the idea of sleeping with a man.

I understand that this is something he enjoys, and I'm willing to do it. However I AM worried about him liking this more than sex, and also his desire to sleep with a man. I also worry that he might try to slowly work out having sex with me. He says he isn't gay, but I can't help but wonder if he is. I'm glad he's open enough to talk about this with me, and I guess it's better that he is... but I'm still concerned. Could this mean he's gay? And if not, how will this affect our sex life? I'm really confused, and any advice would really be appreciated.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 11:36am
For me this would be such a turn off that I couldn't continue to date him but it is up to you. I can't imagine wanting to have sex with a woman if I weren't attracted to women-it just doesn't make sense.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 12:25pm

Welcome to the board pheonixsong,


Yes, I think you have a right to be worried. In my opinion, a straight man would not be interested in having sex with a man for any reason. There are many straight man that enjoy having the butt played with during sex, but have no desire to have sex with a man.


I think you are right to question him being gay.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 5:15pm
I don't know if this is relevant or not, but I'm 18 and he's only 19... I'd think that someone's more likely to just want to experiment when they're younger.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 5:25pm
I still think no matter what age a straight man wouldn't want to have sex with another man.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 6:03pm
You should be very worried. Straight men don't want to have sex with other men even if they like the anal stimulation. Age is irrelevent.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 12:04pm

I disagree with most of the other posts. I had sex with another women when I was younger (16) because I wanted to at the time but I have never considered myself a lesbian. It was more out of curiousity and something to try as I am quite open to trying most things once to see if I like it. The bigger question is who does he prefer spending his time with, just being with, as a couple. I would still have sex with a girl now but I would never "be" with one. There's a big difference.

This may end up causing problems in bed definitely but you'll both just have to compromise and maybe he'll grow out of it after having his fun and will realize that it's not really the same.

I wouldn't worry so much at the moment, if my bf asked if he could have sex with a guy I would so no as well, but more because I don't want to share him period, whether it be a girl or guy. If he gets persistant and asks again about you letting him have sex with a guy, after letting him have the sensation with a strap-on, then I would start to wonder because then it is obviously about wanting sex with another guy. Wait until that happens and if it does, then discuss it in more detail.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 2:34pm

'I had sex with another women when I was younger (16) because I wanted to at the time'

Exactly. You weren't a married adult.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 5:55pm

Neither is he, we're just dating, and he's only 19, an adult but barely.

To Tinkerbellevi: Thank you for your comment... I felt the same way about it until some insecurities of mine got in the way.

We had a long discussion about this yesterday and the good news is that he doesn't want to have sex with a man now... He knows how much him sleeping with anyone else bothers me, and he's satisfied with the strap-on. Even that he doesn't enjoy as much as sex, so most of my worries are gone now. Thanks everyone for your comments :)




Edited 8/26/2007 5:56 pm ET by pheonixsong
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 9:51pm
Okay, I've dated guys like this. Yes, it's normal for him to be curious. A lot of guys are, and sexuality is a very fluid thing and can change around sometimes. That doesn't mean he's gay, and that also doesn't mean this is a problem. If he's still satisfying your needs, (ie, still having sex with you, still doing things that satisfy you, and just making this another part of your sex, rather than the ONLY part of your sex) you should be fine. However, if he starts forgoing your needs so you'll satisfy his, you have a problem. But at this point, I'd not worry about it until it becomes a problem. BTW, you're an awesome girl. It takes an awesome girl for a guy to be comfortable enough to confess things like this. It takes a lot of guts for guys to come to terms with homoerotic feelings, even more for them to confess them to ANYone. If he's a smart guy, he'll appreciate that and stay right where he is, next to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 9:54pm
Nevermind, I just read the entire thread and it looks like my post is moot since you two worked it out. Good for you, my comment about you being awesome still stands though. :)

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