First relationship and I need help!
Find a Conversation
First relationship and I need help!
| Thu, 08-23-2007 - 11:54am |
I met this wonderful guy a few months ago and I have fallen deeply in love with him. When i met him my family disowned me because I was spending so much time with him. I've never been in a relationship before and I'm 22. He on the other hand was in a 6 year relationship with someone. They split up 5 months before we met. She is in Iraq for 3 years so theres not a threat in that matter, for now anyway. We talked about her and how he felt and if he was ready to move on. I didnt want to get into something and risk loosing the only family and home that I knew. He was honest with me and told me that he still loves her very much and he thinks about her and misses her. He said for me to bear with him and help him and comfort him during all of this. I agreed because I know you just cant fall out of love with someone. I understand his feelings and I think as time goes on he's getting better. I love him and I've told him that many times. He told me that it would wrong for him to tell me he loves me because that would be lying to me and he doesnt want to do that. I live in Alabama and I've been here all my life. He's from Florida and in 2 days were both going back to his hometown. He wants me to go. He says he cares about me and he'll do anything in the world for me. My whole family has turned theyre backs on me and I have nothing or no one but him. I'm about to be in a place I've never been. I dont know anyone and I have nothing here to fall back on if anything was to go wrong. I could die and nobody would know or care. The only thing I need help with is the fact that he's still in love with this girl and he's taking on responsibility of me. Were going to the place where they first met and spent a long time there before she was stationed here. So. I know theres going to be lots of memories for him. I know he cares about me we've been through alot. However what do I do about his love for her? How long will take for him to love me? Is there a chance he will ever love me? Is there a chance that us going back there will stir up memories for him and things get bad for us? I'm scared to death right now and I dont know what to do. I need some advice bad. Thank you.

Welcome the board rayvennyte,
First I am sorry your family turned their backs on you because you started dating someone. That is not right. Second, I don't think you should be moving to a different state where you know nobody and live with a guy that you have only known a couple of months and who admits that he loves another woman and doesn't love you. You do not have a solid enough foundation with this guy to be doing that. I really think you should reconsider going with him and he is over the other girl and say that he loves you.
glitter-graphics.com
Welcome to the board rayvennyte,
Are you his first relationship after his break up?
You are in a tough situation. Its too bad your family is reacting the way they are. I'm sure though that although they are disappointed with your decision they would welcome you home.
Your BF is not in love with you. That's the first red flag. It sounds like you are a rebound (sorry to be harsh). He is in love with his Ex, and he's as much told you that his head and heart are still with her. You can not make someone love you. Even if he does come around you will always feel compared to the Ex, always feel second best.
You have only been with him a few months. Its really hard to be 'deeply in love' after only knowing each other such a short time. The beginning of a relationship can be intoxicating because there is a lot of new emotions involved. The sad part for you is that it sounds like it is one-sided. Wouldn't you rather be in a relationship with someone who feels the same about you and you do about them? Something to think about seriously. It is not too late to stay where you are. Personally, I'd stay and let him move and see how it goes for a couple of months.
It probably is a good idea to get away from family like that. Just try not to be too dependant on Matt. It makes it way to easy to put up with things that you normally wouldn't.
Best of luck to you. Please feel free to post on the board anytime.
glitter-graphics.com