Arguement
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| Sat, 08-25-2007 - 3:43am |
So my bf and I have been serious for four months now and we had our first argument over the mobile phones (which I think made it worse)….He has been saying for the past few weeks to me that he misses hanging out with his friends, he doesn’t want to fall off the social scene, etc. So tonight we had plans to go to a concert together and he invited his other friends/couples, but nobody wanted to go so he no longer wanted to go to the concert and do something with others. I then said to him (although he did not take it this way), well I don’t want you to get board with me, so go out with your friends.
He then completely blew up at me and said, “Carrie, how could you say that, we have been spending so much time together and I really enjoy spending time with you; I just don’t want to fall off the social scene with people as all my free time is spent with you; It completely bums me out that you would think I am bored with you” I said, “Aaron, well what am I suppose to think as you have been saying for the past couple weeks that you miss hanging out with all these people (work friends that he sees during the day) and you don’t have any time for anything else. I really enjoy spending time with you too, but I heard you say to me a couple weeks ago that you miss the spontaneousness of being single and planning at the spur of the moment coupled with you never get to hang out with your friends anymore.”
Aaron said, “Carrie, I like spending time with you a lot, but don’t want to fall off the social scene…but now, I just don’t know, I mean I can’t believe you lack that much confidence in our relationship, I mean I am so bummed by all this conversation. Now you are going to make me feel guilty for wanting to hang out with my friends.”
I then said, "Ok, I think we are making a mountain out of a molehill here as that we are both misunderstanding each other as I want you to go and have fun with your friends; I am sorr that I used the wrong word terminology here."
He said, "Yah, fine, but I can't believe you don't have that much confidence in our relationship and I am bummed out by this conversation....well I see ya and I guess we will talk tomorrow (he always has said kisses and hugs at the end of the convo for the past three months until tonight)"
Ok, so what am I doing so wrong? I guess I didn’t think the bored comment was that big of a deal for him to blow up at me for? Or is it? Thanks for your help!

Hi confused7772006,
How long have the two of you been dating, you said you have been serious for the last 4 months. Also your age plays a factor. It seems as though your boyfriend has been spending a lot of time with you. Maybe, he feels guilty about wanting to spend time with "his" friends without you. Not just other couples but maybe some of his single friends too. Saying you don't mind him going out because you don't want him to get "bored" with you will make him defensive. If you really did not mind him doing something else, you would have said so with out the comment. No, your comment was not a big deal, but you don't want him thinking this is how the relaitonship will be. Meaning do you want him to think he has to do everything with you or other couples? If you do, honestly you might push your boyfriend away. Next time he wants to go out with his friends you should go out with your friends. It does not mean that either of you is bored with each other. This is just my two cents, so you don't have to listen to it.
Welcome to the board confused,
Hmm, well, to me what you said "well I don’t want you to get bored with me, so go out with your friends"
this can be taken as 1) passive-aggressive or 2) you needing reassurance that you aren't boring him and needing to hear that he wanted to spend time with you.