Dating a Divorced Dad w/Kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
Dating a Divorced Dad w/Kids
4
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 8:59pm
I have been dating a man who has 2 kids from a previous marriage for a couple of weeks now. I have not met the kids yet and have actually held off on meeting the kids as I want to make sure this is serious before I become a part of the kids lives. The kids know about me and so that is not a problem. The problem is that I am really trying to take this slow and not rush into things to quickly, but he is really trying to move fast. It has been several years since his divorce and he has had other girlfriends off and on since his divorce, but he says he has not found the right one... until now! He has already said he loved me and he has mentioned marriage also. I really like this guy and we have a lot in common and I have to admit he meets most of my wants/needs on my potential partner list. I want to get to know him better and see where things go from here. I am a little scared though that he seems to be so sure already and I am not even sure at this point that I love him. I know I need to tell him that we need to slow things down until I figure things out, but I am afraid of hurting him, yet if I don't say anything am I leading him on. I just need some advice as my friends are like dump him and run which I just can't bring myself to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 9:42pm

You've only been dating this guy two weeks and he's already talking about love and marriage - YIKES! There is no way in hell he knows you well enough to even consider that you're the one. You're not even in the honeymoon phase of the relationship yet - you're still in crush or attraction - maybe!

It's not a matter of you leading him on. The guy has no perspective. Never - EVER let your fear of hurting someone else's feelings prevent you from dealing with an uncomfortable situaton. Personally, I would back waaaaaay off. That's just not normal. Saying he enjoys your company, saying he's attracted to you, that he wants to get to know you better, that he likes the chemistry between you but love.........marriage.......?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 2:15pm

Welcome to the board jesseca,


You have only been together for

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 2:41pm

I think you are very wise to see the red flags and choose to go slow even if he doesn't. You don't know if he has a habit of talking about marriage after 2 weeks to all the women he dates. I also commend yo for not meeting the kids. I feel sorry for them if women are going in and out of their lives so often.

'but I am afraid of hurting him,'

If he gets hurts after 2 weeks of dating then there is something definitely off. be truthful and tread lightly.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 5:36pm

It's perfectly fine to slow things down to a pace that is comfortable for you. If you become overwhelmed it will not be good for anyone. You will not be hurting him if you let him know you care for him, but just need to take your time before you intensify the relationship. It is a responsibility to be with someone who has children and you are quite right to take your time and be sure that he's the right one before plunging in. There's no reason to "dump" him, just to establish the relationship with boundaries that you are comfortable with. If he is not accepting of that, that's another story. Certainly, you want a partner who will be accepting of your feelings and timetable and not "force" you into something that you are not ready for. If he is accepting, that's fine. If not, then he wouldn't be the right person for you anyway, in the long run.


Best wishes,