dont know what to do??
Find a Conversation
dont know what to do??
| Mon, 08-27-2007 - 11:58pm |
Okay so me and my boyfriend do nothing but fight. It was never this bad in the begginging but it just seems to be getting worse. We have been together a year and a month. We are both sttuborn people. But its affecting us really bad now to where i dont know if we are gonna last. I love him and he loves me. But is it enough. Like for example just now he got upset becasue i yelled at him, but thats b/c I couldnt change the gears on my bike that we were trying to fix and he was getting fustrated and I couldnt do it. So i was like I CANT DO IT, and he got pissed and walked away. Like there certain things about me he doenst like, and he brings em up alot. Like not liking to dance, not liking to party, yelling to much, ect. Yes I admit I nag and yell alot, but thats hard for me to change b/c its the way i am, i come from a loud family. He gets upset so easy and fustrated over me so easy. And complains all the time how we dont haveb enough sex. Which is true. But basically think of what a typical 20 year married couple acts like and thats us. We act like we are married. Weve only dated a year and a month. Please help.

Wow, you've got a pretty low expection of marriage! No sex and lots of arguments. I've been with my husband for 15 years and we'd never behave like the two of you do. A good marriage does not involve yelling and stubbornness and sex can still be good.
The way I see it, your boyfriend doesn't like you the way you are. He's really only got two options here....either accept you how you are or leave. But hanging around and complaining achieves nothing except to make you both miserable.
There are two things I would advise you to do.
First of all, don't accept his complaints about you not dancing and partying. Tell him this is the way you are and he should accept it or leave
However you do need to get grip on your nagging and yelling. I doubt you'll find many men who will tolerate it from you. Just because your family yelled and nagged, it doesn't make it OK. Keep up the nagging and yelling and you'll have a long life with no boyfriends willing to share it with you.
You are not your family. If you really want to, you can learn acceptable behaviour.
Welcome to the board hla_16,
The beauty of becoming an adult is you can override your childhood programming and be the person you want to be.
It's possible to love one another and not really LIKE one another - know what I mean? Unfortunately you really have to like one another for it to work. A year is around the time when the honeymoon wears off and you start to become more "honest" - your relationship evolves into the relationship you're going to have for a long time. If you're unhappy now, it's a bad sign. You can learn to communicate better by throwing away "well my family has always done this" and "he's used to that" and instead of trying to make him hear YOU, try to listen more to what he's saying. Learn his language and speak it.
If you have no desire to change then a marriage will never work out. A lot of being able to fit as a couple means changing things that hurt your relationship. On the other hand, he doesn't really accept you. It's not right of HIM to try to change YOU, you can only do that yourself and even then, only if you really want to change. If I were you I'd rethink a relationship with someone who makes me so frustrated and angry. Constant fighting is a sign that your relationship is going downhill and there may be nothing you can do to stop it. Working on your communication will either help you stay together or show you that you're not compatible. At least you can say you've done your best.