Military Relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2007
Military Relationship
3
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 6:57pm

I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year, and are in a very happy comfortable relationship. We have discussed marriage and a family in our future, but because I am only 23 I would like to wait a few more years and see where the relationship takes us. When we met he told me he was in the Army but would be out in less then a year. Although I was very against getting involved with someone in the military, I decided I could wait it out.

Now that he is out, he has decided he would like to reenlist into the national guard. I feel hurt and a little betrayed by this decision, although I understand that he feels it is something that he needs to do. However, I am not sure that I want to deal with the ramifications of such a huge decision that was made despite my feelings to the contrary. While it is comforting that it would not affect my career or be a life of constant movement like with active duty, it is still a huge infringment on my heart to worry about him having to deploy.

I just feel really torn. I love him and I am so happy, but I am not sure if I am better off just moving on with my life and seeing whats out there while I am young. I am not sure I believe that love can get people through anything, and I am afraid to look back and resent him. I am also afraid, conversely, that if I leave him I will look back and think I made a huge mistake.

Any words of wisdom?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 7:11pm

The good thing is you have this information before you are married and children are involved. He has a right to change his mind. Now you must do what is right for you. Being married to a spouse in the military can be very difficult and you must weigh your options. We can't tell you what to do though.

I agree that you are very young and have a while to find someone who might be a better fit while you still work on yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 7:01pm

This is a hard choice for you to make, but it seems like you are going to have to choose between supporting him in his career choice or letting him go becuase you can't live the kind of life required of a military wife. He was a soldier when you met him and military service seems to be in his heart. He might feel that working for the national gaurd rather than continuing in the Army is a good compromise and IS taking your feelings into consideration when suggesting joining the Guard.

If you force him to choose between his desired career and you he may very well choose you, but there would be resentment on his part and it will effect the quality of your relationship.

My advice, find some military and national guard wives to talk to. Find out first hand how they deal with the careers their husbands have and how military service effects their family. You may learn that it is not as bad as you might think it is. If after you have really thought about whether or not you can live that kind of life and you really can't do it then you should let him go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 7:58pm

Being a Military Wife is not easy, whether it be Active Duty or Gaurd.

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