Is my boyfriend clueless or selfish?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2007
Is my boyfriend clueless or selfish?
3
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 12:54am
My bf and I have been together for a year now and we are pretty serious. Right now I am home sick with a cold and a fever for the past 24 hrs and my bf has not offered to come visit me or take care of me. He knows I have not left my apt because I'm out of it to leave my apt. I don't have food or meds and still he has not mentioned helping me out. I was waiting to hear from him in the later afternoon, then into the evening, but he did not call. Finally, I sent him a text msg at 8pm letting him know that I am disapointed in him. He call's me at 9pm leaving me a msg (because at this point I'm not answering the phone) and his msg said he was stuck late at work, then had to help his sister out with insurance info (he is in the insurance industry) and went on how sorry he was. He called me a few times after that, and I still didnt answer, he also left a text msg. I took his call at 10pm, and he kept apologizing. I was so hurt and disappointed that I told him to go F*#k himself and hung up on him. He didn't call back. This is the 2nd time he was not there for me when I was sick, the first time I didnt say anything because he had a friend visiting from out of town and I didnt' want to ruin his fun, but I needed him then just as much as I needed him tonight. I thought maybe just maybe he will jump in his car and show up at my door with meds and be there to comfort me tonight. But, It's 1am and I bet he is fast a sleep at home while I'm up sniffling and coughing cuz I can't sleep. Did I take this too far?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 1:42am

Yes, you took it way too far. You expected him to rely on telepathy and swore at him when he didn't magically know what you want. If you needed help and someone to get medicine for you, you should have called and ASKED him. Not attacked him with a text message.

You may think it's logical that he'd know you want some TLC, but we don't all want the same things. I'm like you - when I'm sick, I want someone to be there for me and pat my forehead. But my husband likes to be left ALONE when he's sick. Thing is, it's instinctive to treat others as you want to be treated. Therefore, when I'm sick I don't get enough attention and when my husband is sick, he gets too much attention.

If you want something from your boyfriend tell him what it is. Don't expect him to guess.




Edited 8/31/2007 4:26 am ET by iv_aisha2004
Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 7:51am

I think you took it too far. Many people when sick want to be left alone to sleep or rest. Your BF may have thought he was doing you a favour by leaving you alone. Also, you didn't say anything the first time so why would he know what you expect of him.

Yes, you are feeling sick but your reaction to a fever/cold is quite dramatic. I think you will need to apologize for your behavior and explain to your BF that when you are sick you require more attention so this doesn't happen again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 2:02pm
Wow, you completely overreacted. I understand that feeling sick makes you miserable, but you really shouldn't have responded to him the way you did. Unless you're seriously ill and truly need his help you should not be expecting him to take the initiative to come over and wait on you. You definitely owe him an apology. I hope you feel better.