offically missing

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2007
offically missing
2
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 4:19pm

my ex boyfriend and i started talking again after listening to some advice i had gotten from this message board a few months back. At some point in the relationship I had somehow become the girlfriend i didnt want to be. I guess the more attached i got the more naggy and overbearing i started to become, and he started to shut me out which led to many fights leading to our break-up. I soon realized how i was acting,though he wantd to stay friends i told him i couldnt.

About 3 weeks later i saw what i was doing wrong n decided to call him. Shortly after we started slowly hanging out to catch up, we decided to become friends. We would secretly go out with each out and then at night go our seperate ways with our own friends. Soon he started asking me out to dinner and movies. Soon the meetings become more frequent n we slowly eased into hooking up as well.I soon started to worry that they were booty calls n i told that they had to stop bc i didnt want us to end that way after the relationship we had, he agreed and he assured me that they werent, he said it was more than that.

Soon after that we started hanging out more and more. Our frequent texts turned into phone calls and we finally came out nd showed that our friends that we were together. Now he asks me to go out with him n his friends n i do the same. His friends think im his girlfriend. ( i havent bothered to correct them) TOmorrow he has invited me to attend his family bbq, and i know his family is going to think its offical again.

We talked about where we are going and we both agreed that things between us are a lot better than when we broke up. It seems that we seem to understand each other better this time around..and im glad so i dont mind that it isnt offical yet b/c im usually the one to rush things. I asked him where we were going and he responsed that he's just taking it day by day. i also asked him why he hasnt brought up the whole going out issue n he confessed that he's to stubborn.

It really does feel like were going out but still in the back of my head i know were not n it does bother me. Im torn i dont want to rush things bc i dont want to end up in the same cycle yet i personally am starting to want more. Bc like today, last night we spoke while he was at work n he said he was going to call me 2morrow bc he was busy. so yea i know he mostly liekly woke up late bc he workd til late last nite but im waiting by the phone. N im getting all these self doubts in my head saying maybe he just doesnt want to be with me anymore. i want him to call so i can see him. Since we arent offical just yet i guess i feel that i have him but at the same time i dont. n it sucks. i know some of this is silly and its most likely in my head. im a very outgoing and sociable person so it really is strange to be that i feel this way.. what should i do? how should i ease into this situation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 7:10pm
I would say that since you have already had an established realtionship in the past and that things are currently physically back to the same place they were before you broke up then it is okay to tell him how you are feeling. Next time you are alone together you should tell him that you are happy that the two of you have been able to work through the problems that you had in your past relationship and that you really are enjoying being back in his life, but there are times when you would really like to have the security of knowing that you are his girlfriend and not just his friend with benefits. Ask him if he is ready to take your friendship back to the offical realtionship level and then see what he says. If he say okay than GREAT. If he says he is not ready for that, than you should stop "hooking-up" with him and be open to meeting other guys. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 2:31am

Welcome to the board sunshiny19,


Besides the 'official' title, are you happy with the relationship?