Is it worth the wait?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2007
Is it worth the wait?
1
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 1:25pm

I'm sure all those who read these posts read this all the time, but I'm new!
I need some help about what I should do in my situation. This may be a little long and I show my apprecation ahead for those who do read this.
First of all, I know I'm young and many people who hear this story are going to thing this thought first. I'm almost 22 and one semester away from being done with school. However, I am currently taking a year off to save some money for my tuition. And this is where my story starts.
Almost two years ago, I made a friend. He soon became my best friend. At the time, I was in a very long term and serious relationship. This past relationship wasn't the greatest and I knew for a very long time that it wasn't going to last forever. And so it didn't. Soon after I ended that relationship, I found myself looking to my best friend as somone who really does care about everything that has to do with me. At first, I was a bit unsure as to what to do next, because I felt no attraction. But as time went on, and I was becoming stronger from the break up, I found myself attract to my best friend, not especially physically, but the whole package. He has only wanted me to be happy. But he also wanted to be more than friends. He was very understanding with me, when I said that maybe it wouldn't be a good idea. It was soon after this, that I realized I was falling in love with him. And so we began to form a bf.gf relationship. From the beginning, this has been a connection I haven't felt with anyone else. And I know A LOT of people, but this was definitely something very different. At the time, I couldn't tell you what exactly it was that I was feeling, but we both seemed to understand that it was very special. We have similar childhoods and have gone through many of the same hardships, as well.
When we were still in our friends stage, he was dating someone else and I was with the previous boy, we lived together. I was also very good friends with his roommates, and it just seemed like a practical choice. So a new school year began and we were committed to each other, we continued to live together. That year was great, of course there were ups and downs, but all in all, happy.
The first plan, as the school year came to an end, was that we were both going to study abroad at the same university, in Korea. (He is Korean American and speaks the language fluently.) However, the plan for me changed when I had some difficulties funding it. So he told me that since he has family all over Seoul, that maybe he could help me find a job and just work for the year that he is in school. I immediately made the choice to go for this plan instead. Though it was his suggesstion, he was a bit worried. So we came to Korea, three months before the school year began so that he could catch up with his family, get situated, and find jobs for both of us. He did a lot for me during this time. He gave me my job opportunity, which he could've taken for himself. This job comes with a lot more than just work. It means that I live with his aunt, uncle and younger cousin. This has been hard for him, because many times he has to our translator, when we talk about business and if I do something that bothers the head of the house, his aunt.
I, on the other hand, had many roadblocks. I was faced with his family in Korea, where family always comes first. I am also an only child and a bit selfish at times, something that I work on everyday. I still don't know how to speak Korean, and I was even more clueless at that time. Many of his family members complained about me to him. But he stood up for me. He told everyone that he had faith in me to try to be accustomed to the culture and that he wanted to marry me in the future. But it seemed no matter how hard I tried, I was always doing something offensive.
This past week, my boyfriend, moved onto campus. I went with him on the first day, just to see what the school looked like and stuff. Before this, he had told me that because it wasn't very far from where I live, I could come visit him in the mornings before he has to go to class and before I start work. On the Monday, I joked around about it, and said wow its really easy to get here, I really can visit you all the time. His reply was "uh well I hope you don't come everyday.' I was a bit hurt but didn't say anything. It has only been a week since hes moved in, and he hasn't even started classes. This whole week has been kinda hard for me, as he has been busy going out and meeting new people. Not that I mind that he is doing his own thing, but that I felt like he was ignoring me. I tried to keep that in though, and be understanding of the situation. It would be a bit selfish for me to think that he will put me first when he has been looking forward to this for a long time. BUT the other night, I couldn't get a hold of him and got very frustrated. When I finally did reach him, I lashed out like I never have before. I have an anger problem sometimes. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me. I told me that I knew I wouldn't get 100 percent of his attention, but I just wanted a little bit. And he told me that he doesn't think he can. And if that is something I have to make a big deal out of, that he can't be seeing me while he is here. At the point, I tried to calm down and be rational. But it seemed his mind was already made. For the duration of the call, all he said to me was i'm sorry, but I just can't.
I can go home to America, but at the same time I have responsibilites here and promises that I have made with his family. I feel that if I leave now, that all hope for a future relationship will be very difficult. I also love my job and making much more money here than I could in America. And I feel like half of me is gone. Its a very strange feeling. Not like I'm dying, but that part of me is missing and I don't know where it is.
So what do I do? What if he doesn't give me a chance to talk to him? Do I just tell myself this is it? That it really is over? Or is it worth waiting for? But in that case, can I be the one to make the move for a talk? Many people have told me to wait for him to come to his senses, and for him to call me. BUT it is so hard, not to pick up the phone. How do I know if he loves me enough, to know that this is only temporary, or vice versa and that this is permanent?

thank you for those who have read through this. I really appreciate it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 2:55pm

Welcome to the board hlfjpnmario,


With him being on campus a whole new world, opportunity and experiences have opened up to him.