What to do?
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| Mon, 09-03-2007 - 2:33pm |
Some of you may know the back history on me. But for those who don't, I'll give a brief history. 3 yr long distance relationship, no arguments, no real issues, we had a good relationship. Went back and forth on who was going to move. I finally said I would, even though I didnt want to. Well, I stepped up and told him I didnt want to move, 3 days later I found out I was pregnant. He insisted I move, I refused. He refused to move as well. Fighting, arguing and eventually not speaking anymore happened. Well, fast forward, in my 7th month I decided to open communication with him again. It was very dry at first, and only through email. And it was only about the baby. In my 8th month, I got an email from his email account, but it was from a girl saying they were living together, blah blah blah. I didnt reply, I forwarded it to his work email so that he knew what happened. She hacked into his email. I got a response from him saying he was sorry I was caught in the middle of their issues and it would never happen again. It didn't. But that incident opened more communication by me and I know it was because I was a little jealous that he had moved on. Fast forward again to my 9th month, and here we are. He said that he and the girl broke up because he couldnt stand to be with someone that would snoop through his things and do something so spiteful in my condition (I've had health issues with the pregnancy). Communication has gone from email only to yahoo messenger. (I can't bring myself to call him on the phone). He has told me that he's secured his family's house and if I ever want to visit, he has room for me and the kids (I have a 13 yr old from a relationship that ended 12 years ago). He also said he'd buy us tickets to visit in the spring when the weather is ok enough for the baby. We've talked about the girl that emailed me, not in detail, but enough that I know what happened. I didn't ask much because we weren't together and I wasn't concerned about what he was doing in his personal life. But lately thats all we talk about is his personal life, whats been going on since we broke up, our current and future plans, etc.
I guess my question is (finally, huh? lol) should I open myself up to him? Or should I keep this completely parental since neither of us has mentioned moving. He doesn't want to, still. And neither do I. It would be easier for me financially to give in and move. But I can't imagine leaving all the people that stood by me when he didn't. Shouldn't he be the one to sacrifice? He has a great job, a house, has stopped drinking (which used to bug me) and he's focused. Why can't he have all of that here? I really don't know what to do. The baby isn't even here yet and here I am stressing myself out over a future that I can't predict. He'll be here once I deliver, but only for a week. He says that he plans to spend alot of time out here. If that's the case, why not just move? I'm babbling now. I'm open to all opinions. Help!!

If neither of you is willing to move for the sake of the relationship, then what is the point of opening deeper communication again? You are only going to run straight into the same brick wall you came into before. If you ever change your mind and decide that you really do want to move to be closer to him, then you can tell him at that point. Right now, though, you sound like you are still resentful of the fact that he won't move to be closer to you. If you move closer to him while you are still feeling that way, then the resentment will probably just grow and fester and the relationship wouldn't work anyway.
He is going to be the father of your child regardless so it is better to have a civil relationship with him if you can. I think it's great that you are opening up some parental communication. There is no point though in thinking about past resentments or wondering why he doesn't want to move. The situation is what it is. You just have to make the best of it.