Getting a better balance

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
Getting a better balance
5
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 12:03am
To give you a little bit of background, my wife and I have been married for about a year and a half. She's 7 years younger than me, and had never lived on her own before we got married. Before we got married, I lived on my own from college on. We have a 5 month old daughter, not planned. The issue I keep running in to is that because I naturally try and get things done, used to being self-reliant, my wife often takes this for granted and shows a real lack of effort in even picking up after herself, let alone doing other things around the house. I know that working part time (she gets home as I leave for work and works about 18 hours a week) and caring for the baby is a lot, but I don't think it's too much to expect her to do a load of laundry during the day or run the dishwasher. I work full time (often with overtime) in a demanding field. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 5:59am

Let me give you a little perspective from someone on the other side of this situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 4:08pm

Welcome to the board sydbarrett,


Asking for what you want and need (or expect) is not a bad thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 7:20pm

'she never has been one to initiate anything.'


So you married her knowing that she was like this?


Do you think that things have changed since the baby was born and could depression be part of it especially since the child was a surprise?


I have been where your wife is and the last thing you should do is tell her she doesn't do enough when she is sleep deprived and has a young baby to take care of all day. Yes, doing a load of laundry isn't a

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 9:37pm
I've tried throwing a load in the washer before I leave and asking her to switch it over to the dryer. 50/50 at best that ever happens. I guess I personally have a hang up about having to remind her to do things, because when that comes my way I always take it as nagging. If you think she'd interpret it differently, I suppose I could try that. I suppose I feel like if I have to ask her to do it, then remind her to do what I asked her to do, at that point I might as well just do it myself because I'm spending as much time managing her getting things done as it would take me to do them myself. Which is where my desire to formally divide things up came in, because I'd like to have some things I don't even have to think about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 10:06pm

If you remind or ask 'matter of fact' like it shouldn't be a problem.