What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
What should I do?
5
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 11:33pm
I haven't had a lot of dating experience because I have a chronic illness. Thanks to some treatments, I've been much healthier lately and now I've been on the dating scene for about a year. About 6 months ago, I met a great guy. I'll call him 'Lenny'. He has to travel a lot for his job and is often gone for months at a time. We went out twice, then he had to leave. He called me a few days after he left with a promise to call again the next week. He didn't call. I got an e-mail from him occasionally, but they were only polite, saying nothing about how he felt about me. Then he called me and said he'd be coming home again. When he was back, he called me and asked me out. I said yes and at the end of our date, he kissed me. And it was more than just a peck on the cheek, it was a full-on passionate kiss! I've never been kissed like that in my life! We went out a couple more times, then he had to leave right after Christmas. He promised to call often. I got one e-mail from him and that was it. It's been over a month since I heard from him and I don't know what to do. I've been out with other guys but I can't stop thinking about Lenny! Sometimes I want to get in touch with him and other times I think "Let him get in touch with me!" I'm scared to call him. Is it okay to e-mail him and remind him that I'm still around? I feel so desperate and I miss him so much! But I'm worried that he's found someone else. What should I do? Is there anyhting I can do? I need help!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 5:09am

Fierytopaz, I'm so glad that you're feeling better and are getting out there.


However, I'm afraid that you're

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 3:32pm

Welcome to the board fierytopaz,


It is too bad that he said that he would call you often and instead has only emailed once. Email him if you want and just something like you were wondering how he was doing and how he work was (or something along those lines). Be prepared for him going back to town and repeating this pattern again.


I think the best thing for you to do is to continue to date other people.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 12:23am
Thanks for the advice. I should have mentioned that after a couple of weeks of not hearing from him, I wrote him a "Hi, how are you?" type e-mail and didn't get a reply. I realize now that I'm really angry at him for promising to call but not doing it. The more I think about it, the sadder and angrier I get! I'd love to write him a really nasty e-mail, but I know that won't solve anything. I need closure on this! What if I write him something like: "It's been over a month since you last contacted me. I can guess what that means. I just wish we could have ended on a happier note, instead of you just disappearing and not keeping your promise to call me." It's angry, but civil. I just wish I could let him know how much it hurt, waiting for a phone call that never came. I think most of what I'm feeling is because he kissed me. If he hadn't done that, I wouldn't care about him so much. I'm not used to being kissed, but maybe he didn't know that. If he's found someone else, I wish he'd just be a man about it and tell me, instead of running and hiding. I guess that makes him a coward. And I don't need a man like that! Thanks for letting me vent. So should I send him the e-mail or just cut my losses and move on? PS: I met a very nice guy recently and he just called me and asked me out!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 1:36pm

Welcome to the board fierytopaz,


You already sent an email that didn't get a response so I would let it go and I sure wouldn't want him back in my life if he's 'not that into you' just to keep his word and thereby maybe mess up your new dating opportunity.


Vent your anger in the form of an UNSENT letter.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 1:52pm

If you haven't heard from him for a month, this is not good. The fact is that if he wanted to be in touch with you, he would have. I think it's important for you to face the reality of this situation and not develop a fantasy about this person. Some guys can be very passionate for a few moments, but if they then disappear, they are not relationship material. Some enjoy teasing a woman, others enjoy power over a woman. Whatever his psychology is, the final effect is not healthy for you. There's no reason to wait around for him or imagine that this is more than what it is. It's great that you are healthy and dating. Put him out of your mind and find someone who is truly available with whom you can spend time and buiild something that is real.


Best wishes,