I think the only reason he changed it was to save an argument he probably saw coming. If you've been together this long and he has never done this before, chances are he doesn't have anything to hide. You decided to be "nosy". Maybe in his mind you're looking for an excuse to break up. Men worry more than we think that their partners are mad at them. He changed his password so "There. He doesn't have to worry that you'll look at it and dwell on it and cook some kind of argument up".
I personally don't think it is a big deal if you know each other passwords.
I do think you just need to tell him that you looked and that you no he lied. But be prepared, he will get mad at you and try to put on the pressure on you for spying.
There is no reason to know your SO's passwords. It can only create problems. I don't have anything to hide, but I'd still feel uncomfortable knowing my boyfriend was able to check my email at anytime. It's just childish in my opinion. People innately need privacy. I don't think it's healthy in any way, shape or form.
Not an expert, but you definitely should not know each other's passwords. That is a strict invasion of each other's privacy. Heck even if there is nothing going on you should trust each other enough to not act like each other's parents or bosses and spying on them. Another thing too is the fact that on facebook and all those other sites its a social network. So rather he has pics up of co-workers or just girls he has been chatting with, isn't such a big deal. Now to lie about it could mean one of two things. 1. He either has some feelings or some intentional hookup plans with the woman, which you should possibly grill him over. or 2. She is just a good friend, and possibly he feels that he knows you enough to know that you would get jealous for even having any female friends. So naturally he was covering his own behind here. I say the best thing to do here is cool your heels and relax. I mean you are working in two different cities he is probably just lonely and trying to make a few friends. So relax and don't nag him about it like that.
Now as for addressing the issue of talking to him about it. Best way to go about it is be direct about it. You know if he is in town one weekend and he is over for dinner or something, talk about it then in a calm way. Like maybe asking him first off how he likes his job out in the new city, is making any friends. Be calm and casual about it. If you just have the nice dinner and launch in on him about being on his facebook and seeing the message, all he will hear is guilt and feel even worse because the message was there and the fact that he lied would be blown out of proportion. You are really going to have to judge from how he answers the first two questions. Before saying that you were looking around his facebook. If he responds positively about the job and friends, then mention to him that its good things are working out there for him. Then say something like "I have a bit of a confession to make, I was on facebook the other day checking my messages and I thought I would just check yours real quick, and I saw a message on there about meeting a girl for drinks. I'm cool about it because I know you wouldn't cheat on me and I trust you, but I would like it if you mentioned or talked more about your friends or who you are going out with, because I worry about you as we are apart from each other right now." See something like that doesn't sound threatening and he can possibly deal with what you are talking about better than if you came at him sounding like he cheated on you. Hopefully this helps you out.
P.S. This is just my personal view so don't take it personally, but I feel that the relationship is not serious enough until you are dating for 5+ years. I mean not saying what you have with your guy at 2 years is not important or special. Its just that when you first move in with someone, and been dating for 4 years or less there is too many uncertainties that you end up breaking up over small things. But with 5+ years that shows that you have really learned to overcome hurdles like adults and learned to accept and love each other more. Just my cents on that thought there.
I know all my husbands passwords and he knows all mine. I don't check his stuff for the most part but he will call and say hey check my email did I get or check this site if he wants to know something.
I personally think the fact he lied to you and then changed his password seems odd. To me if I have nothing to hide my husband can look at anything of mine he wants to.
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" Should u know eachothers passwords? "
NO.Never.
I think the only reason he changed it was to save an argument he probably saw coming. If you've been together this long and he has never done this before, chances are he doesn't have anything to hide. You decided to be "nosy". Maybe in his mind you're looking for an excuse to break up. Men worry more than we think that their partners are mad at them. He changed his password so "There. He doesn't have to worry that you'll look at it and dwell on it and cook some kind of argument up".
Jesacomi
Welcome to the board cute_as_a_button85,
No on the passwords.
Welcome to the board cute_as_a_button85,
I personally don't think it is a big deal if you know each other passwords.
I do think you just need to tell him that you looked and that you no he lied. But be prepared, he will get mad at you and try to put on the pressure on you for spying.
glitter-graphics.com
My SO and I have been together more than 25 years
I don't know her passwords
She doesn't know my passwords
If you're that paranoid, you shouldn't be in the relationship
Not an expert, but you definitely should not know each other's passwords. That is a strict invasion of each other's privacy. Heck even if there is nothing going on you should trust each other enough to not act like each other's parents or bosses and spying on them. Another thing too is the fact that on facebook and all those other sites its a social network. So rather he has pics up of co-workers or just girls he has been chatting with, isn't such a big deal. Now to lie about it could mean one of two things. 1. He either has some feelings or some intentional hookup plans with the woman, which you should possibly grill him over. or 2. She is just a good friend, and possibly he feels that he knows you enough to know that you would get jealous for even having any female friends. So naturally he was covering his own behind here. I say the best thing to do here is cool your heels and relax. I mean you are working in two different cities he is probably just lonely and trying to make a few friends. So relax and don't nag him about it like that.
Now as for addressing the issue of talking to him about it. Best way to go about it is be direct about it. You know if he is in town one weekend and he is over for dinner or something, talk about it then in a calm way. Like maybe asking him first off how he likes his job out in the new city, is making any friends. Be calm and casual about it. If you just have the nice dinner and launch in on him about being on his facebook and seeing the message, all he will hear is guilt and feel even worse because the message was there and the fact that he lied would be blown out of proportion. You are really going to have to judge from how he answers the first two questions. Before saying that you were looking around his facebook. If he responds positively about the job and friends, then mention to him that its good things are working out there for him. Then say something like "I have a bit of a confession to make, I was on facebook the other day checking my messages and I thought I would just check yours real quick, and I saw a message on there about meeting a girl for drinks. I'm cool about it because I know you wouldn't cheat on me and I trust you, but I would like it if you mentioned or talked more about your friends or who you are going out with, because I worry about you as we are apart from each other right now." See something like that doesn't sound threatening and he can possibly deal with what you are talking about better than if you came at him sounding like he cheated on you. Hopefully this helps you out.
P.S. This is just my personal view so don't take it personally, but I feel that the relationship is not serious enough until you are dating for 5+ years. I mean not saying what you have with your guy at 2 years is not important or special. Its just that when you first move in with someone, and been dating for 4 years or less there is too many uncertainties that you end up breaking up over small things. But with 5+ years that shows that you have really learned to overcome hurdles like adults and learned to accept and love each other more. Just my cents on that thought there.
Cursed_Romantic
Cursed_Romantic
A big Nooooooooooo to sharing passwords.
Perky007
I know all my husbands passwords and he knows all mine. I don't check his stuff for the most part but he will call and say hey check my email did I get or check this site if he wants to know something.
I personally think the fact he lied to you and then changed his password seems odd. To me if I have nothing to hide my husband can look at anything of mine he wants to.
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