I canNOT leave this man alone...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
I canNOT leave this man alone...
5
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 7:10pm

I have been with my ex for 2 years, we have broken up 3 times. We break up for

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 7:52pm

There's nothing to fix and someday you will be able to figure that out. You're in a one-sided love relationship and your ex, or whatever you'd like to call him is taking advantage of you. He's not in love with you, he's just stringing you along, taking what he can get. But of course, you already know that.

Maybe you'll get lucky someday, and a nice fellow will fall into your lap. Someone who'll care about you and actually like seeing you happy. Or you could make it a little easier and allow yourself to have a little fun. Go out with friends and or family and mingle with different people. Go out with anyone you see interesting. Allow yourself to get to know people. Your chances of a nice guy falling in your lap will be much greater if you do this.

A two-sided love relationship is the most wonderful feeling in the world. You would think it would only be twice as good as a one sided love but its not. Stop punishing yourself. No one in this world should just settle. You are responsible for your own happiness.

Best of luck to you!
Jesacomi

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 9:01pm

Welcome to the board miss_manda80,


Hmm, I'm wondering where you learned to associate love with coldness and lack of compassion?


A one-sided relationship reads more like an obsession instead of a romance.


Reading material to consider:


Are You the One For Me? by Barbara DeAngelis


Others:


How to Break Your Addiction to a Person by Howard M. Halpern


Facing Love Addiction, Pia Mellody


Codependent No More, Melody Beattie


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 9:14pm

You can not work out a relationship unless things really change. Getting back together doesn't work unless this happens.


Bonding over events has nothing to do with a healthy relationship- one were each of you trusts and respects each other.


'he's the only man I have ever thought about having kids with.'


Think about this. You say he is a 'child'. So why have only children surrounding you in your house? Can you really see him as a good father if he is? Will he be a cold and uncompassionate father?


I think it is time for you to seek a counselor. Do it for your future relationships and children.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sat, 02-09-2008 - 1:18pm

Please consider breaking all ties with this man.

TanZa2920
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sat, 02-09-2008 - 2:20pm

You have a "love attachment" to this man that is causing you to make statements such as "I cannot leave this man alone".

"he's the only man I have ever thought about having kids with."
With his behavior, doesn't this thought scare the crap out of you? He sounds like an awful parent. It is your responsibility as a future parent to choose the person you have children with VERY wisely. If this guy is someone that you want to have children with then there's something seriously wrong.

Do you know why he acts kindly toward you three times a month? Because that's the absolute minimum he has to do in order to keep you around.

If you convince yourself that you "can't" leave this guy then you never will and you will continue to feel this way. There's no fixing the relationship. There are two options; being in the relationship and being miserable or leaving it and being happy.