Am I Lying to Myself??
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Am I Lying to Myself??
| Sat, 02-09-2008 - 8:27pm |
I started chatting with a guy online a few months back.
| Sat, 02-09-2008 - 8:27pm |
I started chatting with a guy online a few months back.
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Welcome to the board curiousone2007,
If you are keeping this *friend* a secret, you have crossed the line.
Hello,
I was just hoping around the boards here as I usually do and after reading your post I have only two questions to ask you. One, is this "new friend" giving you something that the bf of 5 years is currently not giving you in the relationship? and two do you ever feel guilty about talking or having a good time with this friend when your bf is not around? The reason why I have asked both of these questions is because usually when someone takes a pause or answers these questions too quickly they are either trying to cover up underlying feelings for a new person or they are more than likely trying to figure out for themselves how worth while their current relationship is. I personally think at this point you aren't lying to yourself. Because at the present everything is light, fun, just a new set of friends chatting it up. And you did have a nice first meeting together which is great. So nothing is going on just two friends getting to know each other is better. Now if your continuously start seeing said friend and start valuing his time more than you do with the bf, or start dressing a bit more sexier or even trying to get more of a "rise" out of this new friend when you are webcamming or even just hanging out more in person, then you are definitely lying to yourself. So best advice I can give is evaluate where things are with your bf right now. I mean people get in long-term relationships and sometimes take each other for granted or become so independent that they even forget they are in a relationship to begin with. So I think it might be more than a little helpful to spend a bit more time with your bf and talk to him about how things are going and your feelings thus far about the relationship. If you two or on the same page then maybe you should slow up on how much time you are chatting it up with this online friend. But if things aren't going so well, I think at the very least you and the bf should work on any issues, or bond more, or even try going on an actual break. Which in my definition is taking time apart and thinking about what you want from the relationship, writed down some answers, maybe try dating around a bit if thats what you wish to do. Because the terms of a break are what you and your partner make them. But either way make sure that 5 year solid relationship is what you really want to be sticking with or if you are ready to try out something new. Just get things right with your man first. And still think over before you date online guy or anyone else if you are doing the right thing. Because to go from one man to another is not cool. So choose wisely, talk clearly with your guy, and keep the online friend as a friend til you really know what you want to do.
Cursed_Romantic
Cursed_Romantic
'flirtation escalated.
Is is normal to have a crush on someone else if you are involved in a relationship?
Cursed_Romantic
Cursed_Romantic
I kind of agree with cursed_romantic. Virtually everyone has "crushes" in every period of their lives. It goes to stand, then, that married people do have crushes that they don't act on. The problem lies in whether you are beginning to act on it.
What I don't necessarily agree with is having to tell your partner every time you have a crush on someone. Gosh, my dh has a crush on Nicole Kidman. Should this be something I'm worried about him acting on? No, I don't think so. If my dh has a small crush on someone in a business setting, he simply keeps his distance and keeps it business. On a personal level, I would want him to tell me if he had a crush on someone. His not having done so cost us a few years ago. However, I still do not expect or WANT him to tell me every time he has a crush on someone. It depends on the situation and the level of that crush from my side of the relationship. That is where my boundaries lie.
My dh knows I have a crush on a couple of celebrities, one of whom we know. Big deal. He trusts me. He doesn't care if I tell him every time have a crush on someone else. He doesn't even want me to no matter what the situation. That is where his boundaries lie.
It's all about boundaries. Of course, honesty is extremely important in a relationship. Having rebuilt ours, it is based a LOT on that. However, it is also based on personal boundaries. There can't be one single thing that a relationship is built on. Not everyone wants to know 100% of everything. It's important to have some privacy, as well. That just has to be well defined per the individuals in the relationship.
I crossed the line last night.
Why are you posting for advice that you're not going to take? Just break up with your guy, he deserves better.
Sorry to sound mean but if you're not going to live a honest life with this one guy, then take some time to get your head on straight and live your life without having to cheat on someone. The guilt you feel is a good thing. Hopefully it will keep you from doing this to the next guy you're with. Remember what it feels like and resolve to move forward with yourself.
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