cheated on me with his roommate
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| Sun, 02-10-2008 - 8:05pm |
I have been dating this guy for over six months and he has always been really close with one of his girl(space)friends and i have always tried to respect their relationship and not be jealous of the time they spend together. They hooked up a few times before i met him, but he said he didn't have feelings for her. About a month ago, the two of them got high and made out and she confessed she had strong feelings for him. He told me about it and asked me to forgive him-i really love him so i said i would. He also said the girl was just vulnerable and didn't really like him. A week later he started questioning his feelings towards me-breaking my heart twice in quick succession-and thought maybe he wanted to break up, but i wouldn't let him go, i couldn't believe it.
I went on vacation with my family for the next week and during that time he pleaded with me to forgive him and that he did really love me after all. And, like i said, since i really love him I told him i would forgive him. I thought everything was all better.
We both live in San Francisco and he needed to find a new apartment and some of his friends, including the girl he hooked up with, were going to split the apartment with him. It ended up falling apart and just him and this girl getting a room together in a house. I, as well as his father who doesn't like the girl either, begged him not to live with her, but he said he had to be loyal to his friend.
Now, whenever I come over to his place its like a battle for his attention. The girl shoots down everything I say and is always needing to have "private talks" with my boyfriend. I always end up crying somewhere along the line. Its gotten so bad I dread going to see them. Yesterday the girl and I fought so badly that my boyfriend had a breakdown, sent me home alone and has yet to call me.
I don't know what to do. I think the girl still has feelings for my boyfriend and I'm so afraid he'll cheat on me again. He's questioned his feelings for me so much i've become really insecure and depressed. I really love him, and i really don't want to break up, but I have absolutely no idea what to do to make this ugly situation better. Please help! (sorry this is so very long)

I know you love your BF, but you need to put yourself first. How much stress are you willing to put up with in your relationship. It seems like you are constantly vying for his attention.
The fact that he questions your relationship is a red flag. The fact that you and the 'friend' argue and he sends you home without calling you is a HUGE red flag. He's putting her first if you ask me. If you were his #1 priority, he would do anything in his power to ensure you are secure in the relationship and he would stand up for you when the 'friend' starts fighting with you.
There is no need for you to put up with him and his behaviour. There are men out there that will treat you with the respect you deserve. It will be difficult, but I think you really need to get out of the relationship for your own sanity. My bet is he'll come running after you when things with the 'friend' die down. By then, I hope you have found a 'real' man who'll stand up for you and treat you well.
Hi Angela,
Welcome to the board angelamarie32,
::I think the girl still has feelings for my boyfriend and I'm so afraid he'll cheat on me again.
She probably still does and it could happen again.
Welcome to the board angelamarie32,
I don't think there is anything you can do to make this better. Short of just ignoring the situation and being okay with him living with this girl. The fact is he chooses to live with her and chooses to make the two of you fight for his attention. He likes it otherswise it wouldn't do it.
glitter-graphics.com
Angela,
I agree with all the advice you have received.
Perky007
This is a disturbing story and I have to wonder what you are still doing with him. It's really unacceptable for him to be living with a woman alone that he's hooked up with and also be in a relationship with you. Of course you would feel uneasy, and naturally assume that this could happen again. They are living with much more intimacy than is appropriate given the fact that he's in a relationship with you. And the fact that he doesn't understand how it makes you feel and also stands up for her, rather than you, during a fight between you and her, simply compounds the craziness. Get out this relationship. You are being thoroughly disrespected. Why would you disrespect yourself by allowing this to continue. You have every reason to feel upset with him. If he wants to be with you, you have every right to tell him to move out of his room with her and make a healthy choice. If not, again, I ask, what in the world are you doing with him?
Best wishes,
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