What does he want?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
What does he want?
5
Mon, 02-11-2008 - 11:48pm

Hello everyone. I have posted here several times and I appreciate everyone's advice. I have an update on my situation. Here's a little background. My ex and I dated for almost 9 years off and on. I am 30 and he is 35. We have been broke up for 7 months now. We were engaged to be married last December. I broke it off. I dated other people. He
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Tue, 02-12-2008 - 7:27am

I really think you need to seek counseling to work on your self esteem. You should be standing up for yourself and telling this guy off, not waiting in the wings playing second best.

You are obviously a loving a caring person and want to share this with someone. Don't waster your time for this guy.

I can't understand why you want him back. Could you honestly love him and see yourself with him the rest of your life after all of this? He's telling you through his actions he doesn't want to be with you. He's telling you with his words that he does just to keep you around incase the teen doesn't work out.

How long are you willing to wait?

I truly think you need to seek therapy to get this all off your chest, clear your head of him and walk away. Failing that, you need to have NO CONTACT with your Ex. At the very least, maybe it'll show him you have the strength to walk away from him. When that happens he'll be forced to make a choice over you and her. With NO CONTACT you will truly learn if he wants you back or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2007
Tue, 02-12-2008 - 10:57am
I've read your other posts. WHY are you still involved with this person? The situation is so very simple: if he truly wanted to be with you and work things out, he'd break up with the 19 year old. He's telling you he doesn't really care if they stay together, but STILL won't break up with her. He does not care enough about you to break it off with this other girl, so why are you still hanging on? I'm sorry and I do feel for you, but you need to get rid of this guy and gain some more self-esteem. You're being treated like crap, but as long as you take it, nothing will ever change.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 02-12-2008 - 1:32pm

Welcome back vanillasmoothie21,


I can't tell you what he is thinking. My suggestion though is to not get involved with him in any manner while he is still dating this other girl. It isn't fair to you or her. If you do start talking and seeing each other again, you are going to be hoping that you will get back together. And that may not happen. You would only be setting yourself up to being hurt again.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 12:35pm

Hi,


Sorry to say, my answer is the same on this board and I'll add a little bit.......


::He told me that he couldn't just dump her and that he knew I wanted everything right now and told me to be patient.


This tells me he's not ready to quit having sex with her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 12:51pm

Cl-.....,


Carrie suggested three great books - I have read them all.


In the past I was a willing participant in what I now dub the "yo-yo relationship", with my former husband going back and forth between the TWO of us ex-wives.

Perky007