Boyfriend who does nothing for me

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2008
Boyfriend who does nothing for me
14
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 8:52am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 8:57am

If there are "a lot" of issues in the relationship that hurt you, then why are you in it? You're in charge of your own happiness. Personally I wouldn't expect my boyfriend to shovel snow or scrape off my car, because I'm a capable human being, but your guy sounds relatively discourteous.

Couples who work out don't have relationships filled with pain. You should step back and look at why you haven't left a relationship that hurts you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2007
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 9:12am
It would be nice if he did those things and I agree it is inconsiderate but maybe he was in a hurry...he isn't your servant. My husband works, I don't. I get up extra early when there has been snow over night so I can shovel the driveway so he doesn't have to when he is going to work. You could set your alarm and make the time to clear off your own car. Is this your only issue or does he do this in other ways?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2008
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 11:07am

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2008
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 11:17am

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 11:34am

Dear probably,


There is more to this problem than shoveling snow.


Take out a piece of paper and make two colums...mark one "things good in our relationship" and the other "things bad in or relationship".

Perky007

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 12:49pm

Welcome to the board beachgrl9246 (Debbie),


I think what you are describing has a lot to do with unexpressed expectations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 2:45pm

I can imagine that he is not thinking as dramatically or worst-case-scenario as you are (men often differ from women in this way). He doesn't think in terms of "if I don't do this, is there a .00001% chance that this may KILL her?"

Brushing snow off your car by yourself isn't going to result in your death.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2008
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 3:22pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 3:26pm

While I disagree that never getting flowers out of the blue should be expected in a relationship, I don't think it's fair for him to not help out at all. How does he react when you tell him that you feel it's unfair to be doing 90% of things around the house?

I'm really still wondering why you're still here, he doesn't seem to care much about you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2008
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 3:41pm

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