Valentines Day Sadness - Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Valentines Day Sadness - Help
11
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 1:04pm

I feel horrible.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 1:13pm

Welcome to the board loop-d-loop,


Have the two of you ever had a discussion about 'holiday' expectations?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 1:18pm

We have had discussions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 1:46pm

So the two of you are at opposite ends of the level of importance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 1:48pm

Welcome to the board loop-d-loop,


If you haven't told him that this upsets you, than you need to. Otherwise he doesn't realize how much he is upseting you but not getting you something for Valentine's Day. If you try to act like he doesn't bother you that much that he has no way of knowing that it does.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 1:51pm

yeah - the card I gave to him even addressed that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 2:04pm

I meant did he know ahead of time how important it was?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 2:08pm
No, of course he does things for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 2:13pm

I understand how you feel. You wanted the romance on that day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 4:26pm

Ahhh...Valentines Day.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 7:01pm

No, you're not nuts, you just don't feel courted and appreciated. I have to ask though if this is a larger pattern in your relationship. It seems as though it might be. You say that you "do" everything, all the planning, etc. and he doesn't seem to take enough intiiative. That's not good. Look at your entire relationship and where this incident fits in. Sounds to me as though it's time for you to step back and stop "doing and giving so much", and see what he is really putting into the relationship, emotionally and in every other way. Sometimes when our partner is not really giving to us, or participating, we overdo it, to block the reality out. Perhaps there is something much deeper that is amiss here. Marriage is a huge committment. If you are concerned about the relationship, go to a therapist as soon as you can and start talking and finding out what's really going on. It's better to be clear before you walk down the aisle.


Best wishes,

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