DH is depressed-says he wants a divorce

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Registered: 02-16-2008
DH is depressed-says he wants a divorce
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Sat, 02-16-2008 - 12:36pm
My husband has been going through a lot in his life, in the past year he has endured some pretty big losses. For example,
Brooke (TTC#2 since 2000-male infertility)

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Registered: 12-04-2007
Sat, 02-16-2008 - 1:19pm
I don't think I can give you much advice, but as someone who has suffered with major depression for 17 years, all I can tell you is that he has to help himself. No one can do anything for him. He has to admit he is depressed and make the choice to help himself. Some times it takes a while for a person to be ready or " hit rock bottom". I think all you can do is be there for him and reassure him that you will not abandon him. In my own experience and from what I have read, it is unlikely that he would seek divorce in his present state. Those who are truly depressed often don't have the energy it would take to really get into all of that. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to hear what he has told you but all I can say is take it with a grain of salt. It is most likely his hurt and depression talking and not genuine feelings. I'm not trying to give false hope, I'm just speaking from experience.
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Registered: 02-16-2008
Sat, 02-16-2008 - 2:22pm

Lemontrees -


Thank you so much for your post. I know he's got to help himself. I just wish he wouldn't be such a guy about it and just get the help he needs. I have been really upset about this, especially the hinting of a divorce, I haven't been able to eat or sleep. I too have had periods of depression and in the past have taken antidepressants. I started taking Prozac again Thursday after I talked to him about everything. I personally know how much medication and counseling helped me, but I just can't make him see it. I'm trying my best not to push him. I know the harder I push, the more he will resist. He is out of town, in an area that our cell phones do not have good reception. I figured I would text him to let him know that I am thinking about him, but I don't want to overdo it or make him feel as though I am really upset, because that's the thing he kept repeating - he didn't want to hurt me anymore, I deserved better, etc. I am trying to keep my spirit up and figure out the best way to be supportive to him.


Brooke (TTC#2 since 2000-male infertility)

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Registered: 01-02-2008
Sat, 02-16-2008 - 9:34pm
I was there myself this summer with DW. I was depressed and drinking too much. Since then we have gone to a therapist, I was taking anti-depressants ( weening off now ), and slowed down the drinking. She stuck with me through all of my "nastiness and being mean".
I woke up the other morning with a "calming feeling" like I haven't felt in years. If you can, stay by him. My wife endured Hell with me and I have thanked her for it. I am a better person now and I will try to make this up to her for ever. Thank God she never gave up on me.
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Registered: 02-16-2008
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 7:31am

Thank you, asudad, for your reply. It really helps to have the perspective of a man who has experienced this. I plan to stick by him, my greatest fear is that he will resist me doing that. I think he has some guilt that he isn't being the husband I need right now and that we have been through so much in the past, with the issues with his child and family.


I would never abandon him. I think he's afraid of that also. I know it would help him to get some counseling but he is very private and thinks he needs to go it alone. I know I can't make him get help. I thought about telling him that I wouldn't agree to any sort of separation unless he got some help. But I don't want to force him or make him resist even further if he feels like I am pushing him. He is also very resistant to the idea of medication.


I'm hoping that this week that he's away will help him clear his mind. Maybe he will have a different perspective on things if he gets a little break from the everyday pressures. I haven't been calling him, I told him I would

Brooke (TTC#2 since 2000-male infertility)

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Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 02-18-2008 - 3:53pm

Welcome to the board fsmommy,


The replies you've gotten have been really supportive.