ladies i need help with future wife

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2007
ladies i need help with future wife
4
Mon, 02-18-2008 - 7:50pm
i am 46 and fiance is 40, we have been together for 9yrs and engaged for 4 yrs, we have split up for 3 months and she was in a relationships with another guy and me just dating, we decided to make things work out between us, so we deceided to cut ties with the other people. since her guy was 43, good job etc, and my girl i was dating was 25 with 3 kids, my ex says i did not have a future with my girlfriend but she had a future with her man. to make this story short, i called it off with the 25 yr old, my ex got in a disagreement with her man cause he believes we have been seeing each other for booty calls, etc (and we have)..... but he really does not know that we have....so he told her he was done and she said fine, but she calls me to tell me if he calls me and ask me if we have been seeing each other to lie and say we have not.....so i asked her then what was there conversation about, she said that he was done and dont want to see her or talk to her again. but my question is WHY DOES SHE WANT ME TO LIE FOR HER,
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2008
Mon, 02-18-2008 - 8:00pm

Sounds like she's keeping her options open.


I noticed you

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 12:34pm

Welcome to the board mrmichaelangelo,


"is she keeping a door open just in case it does not work out between us?" I think that is exactly what she is doing. In my opinion, if she truly wanted to work on things with you she would have cut off her relationship with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 1:40pm

Welcome to the board mrmichaelangelo,


She could very well be keeping her options open. She could also be trying to save face and not wanting this guy to think poorly of her. In other words, she doesn't want to be seen as the 'bad guy', a cheater or someone without integrity - interesting that she is willing to allow you to see her in that light.


Before you follow through with the marriage consider reading this book: Are You the One for Me? by Barbara DeAngelis, while it is written for women, it covers things that would apply to all relationships.





iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2008
Sat, 02-23-2008 - 2:55pm
Run...don't walk, away from this; she's concerned about hurting the 'other' man's feelings because he's been good to her....what are you, chopped liver? Have you not been good to her? Do your feeling not deserve the same consideration his do?
She had, IMHO, shown you where you stand.....and that is not in her heart; so take your losses and get out. Find that woman, with a heart, who is out there waiting for you. Ask the universe for that true, unconditional love that you deserve...the universe will grant your every desire....all you have to do is ask and then be accepting.
You asked for advice, this is mine to you. She's setting you up to fail...don't buy into it. My x-h did the same to me but I didn't learn or want to admit to it until it was too late...it's easier to walk away than to get a divorce! And a whole lot less hurtful.
Best of luck to you in your quest..
Eef...