I want a family, he doesn't!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2008
I want a family, he doesn't!
3
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 10:39am
My husband and I have been married for 9 years, and when we got married we both wanted children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 1:29pm

Welcome to the board trigrl,


Here's a link to a previous discussion on the subject:


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlrelationsh/?msg=30352.1


Hopefully, someone that has gone through this will participate.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 5:35pm

Before you sit down and talk this over with your husband, get very clear yourself about how important it is to you to have a child. What is your priority here? Do you want a child more than you want to be married to your husband for life? Could you be happy with him for your entire life if you two did not have a child? Once you are clear about this, if you do choose to have a child over staying married without one, then during the discussion you can let him know that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 6:29pm

I agree with the Dr.

It's unfortunate that he changed his mind, you must feel really slighted and I don't blame you. But it happens, such is life, and if he doesn't want to have children with you then you will simply have to leave. You need to be able to stand up for your goals.

I like the way Dr Shoshanna suggested you approach him - by telling him that starting a family (of 3) is something you don't want to live without. I know you're afraid of the answer, but continued ignorance of his stance will result in you being childless forever.

If he still says that he doesn't want kids, you will have to walk away. No further argument, no questions asked. You know what you want in your heart, and you need to be with someone who will fulfill your important goals with you.