Need help like you wouldn't believe

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2008
Need help like you wouldn't believe
8
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 2:14pm

I've been dating my BF off and on for 8.5 yrs now. It's a long-distance relationship with about 1000 miles between us. At one point I thought I could get over him and got married. It was a mistake I later admitted to my husband & BF. I love my husband but he deserves someone who loves him the way a wife should


My BF & I want to be together I've never been able to find a job there to let me move. Interviewing and distance don't go together. At this point, we now have a 10 month old baby. My BF has only been able to see his son twice since he was born due to work schedules, distance, ect. This has caused some major fighting.


I've now lost my job & collecting severance pay. I've started the job search again but the distance is making it impossible to get an employer to schedule an interview with me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 3:05pm

Welcome to the board lookg4answers,


If you want to move out with your bf, than do it and look for a job when you get there. That would be the easiest for your job search. I agree that your son deserves to know who his father is. The thing is if you are living with your husband right now then he thinks your husband is his father.


You need to pick a man and stay with him and end contact with the one you don't pick.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 3:12pm

Welcome to the board lookg4answers,


I highly recommend you consider short-term counseling to help you sort through this..... From where I sit, it's easy to think you are only with your husband for financial security.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2008
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 3:52pm

I am somewhat reluctant....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 4:09pm
::But now knowing and hearing my husband bad-mouth my BF when this was all my doing is hard for me to hear.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 4:19pm

For the record,

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2008
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 4:23pm

You're so very right.....

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 5:26pm

Sometimes when we are in long distance relationships it's very easy to develop all kinds of fantasies about who the person is and how much we love them. When we deal with everyday life and see a person regularly and handle problems together it can seem quite different. However, now that you have a child with your boyfriend, you are finding out more about the reality of who he is.


It seems to me that you have a wonderful husband who loves you very much - and even raise your son as his own. I strongly suggest that you go for counseling and try to work out this complicated situation you are in. Not only for your own sake, but for the sake of your husband and child. The boyfriend doesn't seem that available or truly interested in being with his son. Your husband does. Your son needs a father who is and can be present for him. Go get help in working through your feelings and in seeing the bigger picture here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2008
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 11:17am

Thank you kindly for responding.