Separate Over Money?
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| Thu, 02-21-2008 - 3:56pm |
This is my first post here.
DH and I have been married for 4 years, together for 8. We have a 3 year old son and a baby on the way. We both make decent money, about 35k each. When DS was born we didn't want to do daycare so my husband actually took a small demotion so that he could get a better shift and be home w/ our son while I was at work--then when I come home he goes to work. So I was taking over the slack brough on by his pay reduction (gladly) and we were doing fine.
Well, he had a bunch of credit cards before we were married and got behind and had a judgment against him last year. I told him to resolve the matter (claim bankruptcy, make a payment plan) before they garnished his check because I couldn't afford to pick up more slack if his paycheck got garnished. He did nothing. Paycheck garnished; now he brings home like $500 every two weeks as a result! Why would he allow this to happen?! So we've been pinching pennies for over a year now. He borrowed from his 401k in 2006 and part of the money was to be used to claim bankruptcy to get out from under those cc bills. Well, he spent the money on bills and didn't put enough aside to initiate the bankruptcy claim (which is 2500). This would have stopped his garnishments and put us back on track. I was livid.
Fast forward to 2007; we're still struggling and find out I'm pregnant. He borrows AGAIN on 401k to pay a bunch of bills we had on our backs AND initiate the bankruptcy--to stop the garnishments of his check. I'm the planner so I gave him a timeline for when he needed to have everything done by so that we would be out of the hole w/ enough time to save and get what we needed for the baby and move into a house. Well, again he pays all the bills and somehow he doesn't pay for the bankruptcy claim! WTF! His excuse is 'well its not like I spent the money on myself, it was bills'. True, but his irresponsibility leads to us not being able to move out, more stress on me while pg, and me spending every cent I make to carry us and provide for the baby on the way.
He's said for a year he would get a 2nd job but hasn't. he said it again a few weeks ago and nothing yet. I feel like I'm living w/ a child. He seems to have no sense of taking care of his family. He thinks everything will just work itself out. Meanwhile, baby will be here in April and I've purchased EVERYTHING (breast pump, co sleeper, new bed for us, baby clothes, bouncer, swing, diapers, and paying my half of the bills, etc)! I'm so tired of hearing him say "I'm trying". And he doesn't actually TRY until we have a big fight and I cry or yell and tell him how stressed I am. Aren't men supposed to have some sense of 'man of the house'? I've always been very independent and haven't ever put pressure on him, but it seems that has backfired because he's too laid back about everything. He's 35 and its like he's a child. He's focused on other things, like his music career. He's an awesome husband in every other way, that's the sad part. A great Dad too. Honest, loyal, faithful, loving. But this finance thing is killing us and causing me to lose respect for him because he doesn't seem to get it. I keep waiting for that sense of responsibility to kick in..but it hasn't. What should I do?

Welcome to the board elvenom,
I don't blame you for being upset with him. I would be livid. You could try to sent up an appt with a financial advisor and that might make your husband wake up to the reality of things.
You might also check into if you can make payments on the money required for the bankruptcy. I don't know how it works so I don't know if it is an option, but it is worth checking on. Or if you are going to get a tax refund you could put that money towards it.
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