Timing Question
Find a Conversation
Timing Question
| Thu, 02-21-2008 - 4:18pm |
My bf and I were planning to go away for a romantic weekend in belize this weekend together, last weekend his friend’s wife passed away (his friend lives 1000 miles from us).

Pages
Welcome to the board sunnyside2007,
It does suck that he just decided he wanted to go to Cali and it is too late for you to get your vacation time back. It is understandable that you would be upset. It is also understandable that he would want to be with his friend after the death of his wife.
glitter-graphics.com
Welcome to the board sunnyside2007,
Nice guy, 'when you want to at like a grown up, call me? and you're selfish'
Whenever death is part of the problem, you need to give someone else more slack than usual. Regardless of who is wrong and who is right, his friend's wife died and that is a big deal to him. You need to ease up on him, let go of the anger, and move on. Your vacation was mildly interrupted - you're still going, and you'll still have fun. Maybe it wasn't amazing of him to drop the ball on you so late, but people react strangely to death. Perhaps his friend called him up last minute.
I think you should go and enjoy your time, and try to be a bit more understanding. This shouldn't really be making a problem in your relationship.
Thank you everyone for your advice-I really appreciate it.
I decided not to go on the trip.
Why doesn't he want you at the funeral?
I don't agree with itwinflame at all. Funerals are not weddings, they are not parties. They are not occasions to get crazy about "WE/US", they are occasions for people who were close to the deceased to mourn and offer condolences to the bereaved family and friends. It is not necessary for you to be there because a funeral isn't necessarily a "____ and date" occasion. It seems you think you should be there because it is your anniversary. You'll have lots more of those, don't worry. I don't know why he needed to go to this alone, but it's his prerogative and he has his reasons. I think that going to his friend's funeral alone is an ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS thing to get upset over or base assumptions of your relationship on (as the CL suggests) and I hope you can find it in your heart to let this go and celebrate another time when it is more appropriate.
Did you know the friend and his wife very well? Maybe not since they live 1,000 miles away.
To be honest, I wouldn't read too much into his wanting to go to the funeral alone.
You did tell him that the objective of a trip would be to spend time together, and he may be thinking that his objective of this particular trip should be to spend time with his best friend.
He also may not have wanted to show up with a "date" to a funeral, especially when his friend just lost his "date" (his wife) forever. You and this guy will hopefully have plenty of more anniversaries, but his best friend won't have any more with his wife.
So, I say that you should cut him some slack about the funeral. Maybe tell him to go ahead without you but suggest you can pick a night the following weekend to celebrate your anniversary, just the two of you.
Good luck... let us know how it turns out.
Pages