clingy boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2005
clingy boyfriend
2
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 2:58am
I've already posted this on another board, but I need more help.
I swear sometimes I feel like I'm in a relationship with a teenage girl....
I have been in a relationship with a very sweet and wonderful guy for a little over a year. We are now getting into the more comfortable phase of the relationship. Unlike the beginning, infatuation stage...I don't feel the need to be around him 24 hours a day. He gets insulted when I don't feel like coming over to his house. I feel bad because he is a shy guy and only has a few friends, most of which are away at school, so I'm really the only person he hangs out with. I'm 22 years old and want an adult relationship but sometimes when we argue, its like i'm back in a high school relationship. Lately he's been getting jealous of my best friend...i've been spending more time with her lately. He says he doesn't like me hanging out with her because sometimes we smoke pot. I think its really just because he's jealous. Any time he asks me to come over and I don't feel like it, he starts asking why, and won't accept any of my answers, and keeps trying to get me to come over. He wasn't always like this. I think its a combination of my feeling smothered causes me to want more time alone, which only causes him to feel insecure and want to spend more time with me....which makes me feel more smothered. i can see myself marrying him....but this is causing a lot of problems....I love him and just want to be happy....what can i do????
another thing, we always used to have calm, rational discussions if something was wrong. Now that rarely happens and we end up yelling.
Another thing I should add is that sometimes I try to appease him. I do feel bad that he hates me smoking pot and I still do it occasionally. So sometimes I say I'm not going to do it and then I do anyway, and admit it to him and he gets upset that I "lied". Or I say I'm going to be home at a certain time and then don't end up coming home at all that night. I don't lie on purpose...I really do plan on not smoking, or coming home that night. But then once I'm with my friends and having fun, I change my mind. Also, sometimes he'll call me and want me to come over at like 8pm and I say its too late and i have class in the morning, but sometimes if my friend asks me to come over at 8 pm I say yes, even though I said no to him. Its really only because she lives like 5 mins away and he lives like 20 minutes away. And also because we have been fighting so much lately, sometimes I don't want to hang out with him because I know we're going to fight. Other than these recent jealousy issues, he's been a really great boyfriend....understanding, considerate, sensitive and fun. I really do want things to work out with him....
any advice would be greatly appreciated. thank you!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 12:54pm

Welcome to the board confusedgirl_20,


In my opinion (and I'm sure you aren't going to like this), it doesn't sound like you are ready to be in a committed relationship. For example, when you said you tell him your not going to smoke pot and then you do and then you don't go to his house but do go to a friends.


You might want to look at the Ten Rules for Fighting Fair under the next folder.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2007
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 4:09pm
I agree with the other poster. Your bf may have some clinginess but it sounds like you are continually lying to him about different things and then you tell him abuot it. He does not have a good reason to trust you in the first place and secondly , is probably concerned about you. I think you may need to let this guy go and either work on these issues or find someone that you don't feel the need to frequently mislead.