Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2008
Confused
3
Sat, 02-23-2008 - 6:18pm

I am married to my husband for 3 months, and we have been together for 3+ years. He has always had a problem with males being involved in my life on any level. I do not have male friends, and have never been unfaithful to him. However, when I have a job he will ask me daily if any men have talked to me. He will ask me after running errands if anyone bothered/tried to talk to me - a.k.a men talking to me. Anytime I see a male that I know out and say hello, he tries to examine our connection and question why I know them well enough to say hello if they are not a friend at all. I saw a former male graduate on the bus once and he got SO upset that I talked to him for the 8-minute ride home; this former classmate handed me his business card years before so that our families could meet, and my husband accused him of having bad intentions because his business card included his cell phone number/business and not a home number.


I recently joined facebook to reconnect with old classmates and friends and I do not consider it gender-based. He says nothing about females, but my husband is livid that I

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
In reply to: jazzie80
Sat, 02-23-2008 - 6:43pm

'I have given up so many friends and social opportunities'


Think about this. You have chosen to do this and you have chosen to date and marry someone who has a real problem here.


If he doesn't recognize that it is a problem and doesn't get help then you have to decide if you can continue to live an isolated life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2007
In reply to: jazzie80
Sat, 02-23-2008 - 7:18pm

On the one hand, you knew this about him before you got married, and you married him anyway...But on the other hand I could see how you may have expected that once you were married and "official," his insecurities would settle down.


I'm curious to hear HOW he communicates these questions to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2008
In reply to: jazzie80
Sun, 02-24-2008 - 11:34am

Thanks for responding. He doesn't get violent at all, or overly dramatic.....but he is persistent and good at asking me the same question 20 times over in different versions, back to back, until I break down and answer. He will NOT stop asking and follows me around. He throws out every logic possible to insinuate why I would have a problem answering any of his questions: that I have something to hide...that I'm uncomfortable because there's something there...what's so hard about answering his question...it's just a simple question, why can't i just answer it....I'm his wife and I owe him an answer, if it makes him feel better...EVERYTHING. And if I manage to dodge 10 minutes or more of "rapid-fire" questioning, he'll get real mad and accuse me of being difficult for no reason and go out for a while. Then when he comes back, he'll start up again. 98% of the time I end up answering his ridiculous and repetitive questions because I get tired of dodging them throughout the day.


We almost broke up this past summer after 1.5 years engagement. This was followed by 13 weeks of Christian marital counseling, before we decided to get married, during which time I saw him change so much - and he really did to this day. He really loves me, and has actually calmed down a LOT since the beginning of our relationship (when he used to get poker-hot and potentially hostile towards other men). BUT, it still hasn't been enough of a change to stop me from being smothered daily.