effect

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2008
effect
3
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 11:07am

my girlfriend and I dated for almost 6 months. 2 months into our relationship, she asked me to go home with her to visit her family. she lived a 2 hour drive away, and my family lived in another state. I told her since I had just finished my semester at school I was planning on going back to my home to see my family who I rarely get to see. she never mentioned meeting her family after this

2 months later, I asked her if we could go visit her family so I could meet them. she said ok, and that she just doesn't take any one home. we went to her house, and had a good time. I also got to see her family again when they came up here to visit her a few weeks later.

she would tell me how her friends boy friends boyfriend had asked her friend to go home with him to meet his family. she asked me if I would go home with her for the holidays, and then she would come down to my place afterwards. again I told her that I rarely see my family, and that maybe we should spend the holidays with our families, and that I would probably go home again, but that she could come down afterwards.

then after asking to come down to where I live, she would then the next say give some flimsy excuse as to why she couldn't. I never specifically asked her to come visit my family, mainly because from time to time she would say these weird things of why she would be able to fly down there, but would some times be followed by asking to come home for the holidays

this was also a girl who wanted to get married soon. she told me she wanted a proposal in 2 years, and I would say that was fine, just that I wanted to wait for my brother to get married first, because he was older and had been with his gf for 4 years. I told they would be getting engaged with in the next 6 months, so that I would be able to propose with in 2 years.

I also asked her to move in with me when her lease expired, and she only said 'maybe'. when she broke it off, I called her and told her how much she meant to me, how I wanted her forever. she responded by saying she didn't feel the same way about me as I did about her, and that that wasn't fair to me.

do you see either of the issues, the inviting her to my home, or the waiting for my brother to get married, as anything that could have initiated this breakup, or put negative thoughts in her mind about me? thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2007
In reply to: jim1502008
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 12:48pm
I would have to say that if I was with a guy who was waiting for his older brother to marry first I would probably walk. What is this, the Taming of the Shrew? I don't know if that is why she left but I don't see what waiting for your brother has to do with you getting engaged. If he waited until he was 40 would you wait to? I'm not trying to be flippant,I'm just giving you my opinion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
In reply to: jim1502008
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 2:25pm

I don't think either issue led to the break up.

You only dated 6 months, which is not very long. This is usually the lengthy of the 'honeymoon' phase where you get to know one another. I think she felt after the 6 months that you two were not as compatible as she initially thought.

Waiting for your brother to propose and marry should not be an issue this early in a relationship. If you had been dating for a couple of years, then yes from her point of view it would look like an excuse not to marry. But, at 6 months I think its early to propose no matter what the situation may be.

She may have thought you weren't interested in her or her family when you would have a reason not to go with her. She may have been insulted by that. Who really knows.

At this point, I truly think the relationship has more to do with compatibility. I think you have stronger feelings for her, than she does for you. It may be difficult right now, but as time passes it will get easier.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
In reply to: jim1502008
Mon, 02-25-2008 - 8:17pm

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