Hi Bunny! We've posted back and forth a lot about the May-December relationship and my issues with my bf. I don't see mine enough, either, although we do go out and do things-have dinner, go see shows, go to bars, etc. I don't blame you for wanting to go out more with him.
I feel like I need to get to know my guy more, too. You just need that together time to bond, get to know each other, and figure out whether you can make it work. I am finding that you do have to work harder in these May-December relationships, for various reasons.
I expressed my feelings to my guy on Monday and now I see him trying harder...he's amping up his efforts to get a car, and starting to look at private rooms for rent in smaller places.
It seems like you're in a catch-22. You don't want him to meet your child yet, but if he doesn't, you won't be able to spend more time with him. What about introducing him to your child in a group setting? Would that work? Maybe invite him, and some friends over. And then gradually bring him into your child's life...
I think you have to decide what things are flexible, and which are not, that might bend so you can spend more time together.
Personally, I need a deeper level of intimacy than what I'm getting with my guy, when I sometimes get him all weekend, sometimes not, and during the week we see each other 2-3 hours, just at dinner or somewhere public. Hopefully you can explain the situation to your guy and work on this together.
I was with my bf 4 months before I met his family. I was okay with that.
It is a tricky thing to have a relationship with a much younger man, due to the different schedules, life seasons, family and friends. Of course it can be done, but it needs a great deal of maturity and mutual awareness. It also needs two individuals who are willing and able to take the needs of the other into deep consideration.
I can certainly understand not wanting to introduce him to your children until and unless this relationship stabilizes. Why doesn't he want to go out with others? That's not healthy. Does he want to keep you in a cocoon, all his own? In the long run this would not be good for either of you. Actually, when he says he wants to move it up a notch what does this really mean to him? You have to discuss it openly together and find out. See how he views this relationship, what he wants from it, and also what he wants from his life. Just because you enjoy being together does not mean you are on the same page in terms of your needs and wants in a relationship. When two individuals take a relationship up a notch, it means they are moving together in the same direction, fulfilling a common vision and goal. So, take time as well to see what it is you want in a relationship in the long run. How do you see your life moving forward? What do you want for your children in terms of a new parent in the picture? All of these are very important questions and considerations and you must both answer them honsetly to see what is truly healthy and possible here.
If your instincts are telling you that this feels wrong then listen to them.
Above all, a relationship serves to make you feel GOOD. If it's not doing that, then it's a waste of time. Life is not a quest to find a man, and this guy is not even a potential father - so really he doesn't have anything that you need. I don't think you should wait around to feel good about this guy; I think you've known him for a reasonable amount of time to make a decision about whether or not you have a future together and it just doesn't seem you do. I don't believe that you should have to give yourself time in order to feel comfortable here. When you meet the right guy it will be much more obvious than this.
Have you expressed to him that you would like to do more things together when you are able to see each other? He may not know that you are wanting to do more.
That is yet another tough thing about being the Dec. in a May-Dec. union--the May is in the early stages of his career, so he's still kind of paying his dues. My bf is expected to work crazy hours when he's under a deadline. I'm sure this is because of his age-his company is full of very hard-working young people.
As for me, I've been paying my dues for years now and don't have the energy for such crazy hours. Nor am I expected to work like that. So that makes it hard as far as finding time together. :-( I'm not sure what the answer is, other than trying to have patience.
Hi Bunny! We've posted back and forth a lot about the May-December relationship and my issues with my bf. I don't see mine enough, either, although we do go out and do things-have dinner, go see shows, go to bars, etc. I don't blame you for wanting to go out more with him.
I feel like I need to get to know my guy more, too. You just need that together time to bond, get to know each other, and figure out whether you can make it work. I am finding that you do have to work harder in these May-December relationships, for various reasons.
I expressed my feelings to my guy on Monday and now I see him trying harder...he's amping up his efforts to get a car, and starting to look at private rooms for rent in smaller places.
It seems like you're in a catch-22. You don't want him to meet your child yet, but if he doesn't, you won't be able to spend more time with him. What about introducing him to your child in a group setting? Would that work? Maybe invite him, and some friends over. And then gradually bring him into your child's life...
I think you have to decide what things are flexible, and which are not, that might bend so you can spend more time together.
Personally, I need a deeper level of intimacy than what I'm getting with my guy, when I sometimes get him all weekend, sometimes not, and during the week we see each other 2-3 hours, just at dinner or somewhere public. Hopefully you can explain the situation to your guy and work on this together.
I was with my bf 4 months before I met his family. I was okay with that.
It is a tricky thing to have a relationship with a much younger man, due to the different schedules, life seasons, family and friends. Of course it can be done, but it needs a great deal of maturity and mutual awareness. It also needs two individuals who are willing and able to take the needs of the other into deep consideration.
I can certainly understand not wanting to introduce him to your children until and unless this relationship stabilizes. Why doesn't he want to go out with others? That's not healthy. Does he want to keep you in a cocoon, all his own? In the long run this would not be good for either of you. Actually, when he says he wants to move it up a notch what does this really mean to him? You have to discuss it openly together and find out. See how he views this relationship, what he wants from it, and also what he wants from his life. Just because you enjoy being together does not mean you are on the same page in terms of your needs and wants in a relationship. When two individuals take a relationship up a notch, it means they are moving together in the same direction, fulfilling a common vision and goal. So, take time as well to see what it is you want in a relationship in the long run. How do you see your life moving forward? What do you want for your children in terms of a new parent in the picture? All of these are very important questions and considerations and you must both answer them honsetly to see what is truly healthy and possible here.
Best wishes,
If your instincts are telling you that this feels wrong then listen to them.
Above all, a relationship serves to make you feel GOOD. If it's not doing that, then it's a waste of time. Life is not a quest to find a man, and this guy is not even a potential father - so really he doesn't have anything that you need. I don't think you should wait around to feel good about this guy; I think you've known him for a reasonable amount of time to make a decision about whether or not you have a future together and it just doesn't seem you do. I don't believe that you should have to give yourself time in order to feel comfortable here. When you meet the right guy it will be much more obvious than this.
Welcome to the board the_happy_bunny,
Have you expressed to him that you would like to do more things together when you are able to see each other? He may not know that you are wanting to do more.
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Hi,
>>>Why doesn't he want to go out with others? <<<
What I meant was that I suggested to him that we see other people.
Hi,
I have told him all this.
That is yet another tough thing about being the Dec. in a May-Dec. union--the May is in the early stages of his career, so he's still kind of paying his dues. My bf is expected to work crazy hours when he's under a deadline. I'm sure this is because of his age-his company is full of very hard-working young people.
As for me, I've been paying my dues for years now and don't have the energy for such crazy hours. Nor am I expected to work like that. So that makes it hard as far as finding time together. :-( I'm not sure what the answer is, other than trying to have patience.