In desperate need of good advice
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| Thu, 02-28-2008 - 1:11pm |
Well, I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. Initially we were friends, which grew into a relationship. I never found him to be my type, but he was always so thoughtful for me that I fell for him. We never fought once as friends. However, there have been many fights since then. There has been jealously and trust issues (and mind you he has no reason to not trust me). He also gets really upset with me if I don't help him clean, I try to help him clean sometimes - but he leaves food on his dishes when he puts them in the sink (eww and the bacteria that forms is so gross), he doesn't like when I move his stuff, and he always has to correct me when I attempt to clean - saying I don't do things right.
Anyway, I've had a couple small crushes here and there during the relationship - but recently I've felt a way towards someone that I just don't feel with my bf. With my boyfriend, I never thought he was exactly drop dead gorgeous -

Welcome to the board kedge77,
First of all, he doesn't accept your flaws. If he did, you wouldn't be fighting with each other all the time. Also, you should be with him becaues you love and can't imagine your life withoutl him. Not because you are worried you won't be able to find someone else.
I also wouldn't try to hook up with the guy in Ireland. You are attracted to him now because it is forbidden and exciting. I would rethink your contact with him at this time.
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"But he has loved me from the get go - which is mainly why I'm still with him. "
Do you really want to do him a favor by staying with him? Do you think he would like to know that is the reason?
I think it is perfectly naural to have a crush on someone else. When it becomes more than a crush then that is a red flag that it is time to get out of your relationship.
'I wouldn't want to break up with my bf only for things not to work out with the other one'
Please do not overlap boyfriends. Especially with one guy who has a girlfriend now. What does that say about him? Will he also flirt with other girls once you move to another continent to be with him???
Do you want to go live in Ireland? Are you willing to risk a relationship because you are involved in a crush? It sounds as though the real issue here isn't the other guy, but the fact that you don't feel the way you want to about the person you're in a relationship with. On the one hand you say he criticizes you a lot and on the other you say he love you so much and that's why you're with him...(not that you love him so much).
You need to really take time to understand what's going on in this relationship. If you are with him because you do not feel confident and do not feel that anyone else would ever want you, then that's trouble. Work on your self esteem. Get a good therapist. Grow to respect and feel good about yourself. No relationship can be right if you are not right with yourself and do not respect who you are. It's wrong to "use" someone or hold onto them because you feel you can't get anyone better. There's a lot of work you need to do here with yourself and the relationship you're in. Get some help in doing so. It doesn't make sense to jump out of one relationship into another without really dealing with basic issues in yourself and the way you relate. A relationship can't save you from yourself or make you feel better about yourself. Only you can do that.
Best wishes,
Welcome to the board kedge77,
You are with your boyfriend for a lot of reasons, but none of them seem like good ones to me.