can others besides husband fill void?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2008
can others besides husband fill void?
4
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 10:05pm

I'm 25, been married over 2 1/2 years and been with my husband for a total of 6 years. I am in love with my husband and he's perfect for me in a lot of ways, but in some areas of my life I feel there is a void and he does not complete me.


I am a VERY truly happy person. To the core, I am happy and positive. I feel blessed to be this way and really feel like one of my gifts to share with the world is my upbeat attitude and smiles. This is at the essence of what i am and i don't feel like my husband completely understands and appreciates this side of me.


Recently, I have become close with a male

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 03-05-2008 - 12:33pm

Welcome to the board alibean83,


You need to talk to your husband about what is bothering you. If he doesn't know that something is wrong, he has no way of fixing it. Trying to fill this void with a male friend is more than likely only going to end up with trouble- an emotional affair at least.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 03-05-2008 - 7:38pm

Your husband will never be the only person you need in your life. People need friends, family, confidantes, girly movie buddies, gym partners...

But filling a void you SPECIFICALLY say you are not getting from your husband with one male acquaintance is not acceptable. If you told him "I'm not getting something from you, but I found it in another guy" he would be heartbroken and angry. It's not an innocent relationship if you are divulging in his traits that you wish your husband shared, and it would be wise to keep some distance between you.

"I'm trying to think of how to talk to my husband. Is it fair to ask him to try and genuinly appreciate me more and see my postiive side of things more or am I asking too much? "
Yes, and yes. You certainly could ask him, but try to have a tangible way for him to go about that. Men (and a lot of women) do not deal well with "I need to be appreciated" because that is a statement that is vague and not easy to implement. It's like saying "I want you to love me more".

Come up with things that he can physically do to make you more happy. But you can't say "I expect you to start sharing my positive outlook" because that would be asking him to be someone else and he should not have to fit into that mold just to be more compatible with you.

In the meantime, you should do your best to implement that "positive" side of yours and start looking at the things you love about him.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 12:29pm
Why not volunteer for a shelter or Habitat for Humanity or a children's hospital where people will really appreciate your personoality and you can fill that void. Don't look for another man to fill it.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 8:40pm

As you wisely say, no one can fill all your needs. Nor can you fill his. You have to take a good look at what he does fill and how important those needs are. Certainly, you can and should discuss with him your desire to be more appreciated for who you are. Open communication, without blame and demands, is healthy for every relationship. A relationship is a place where you discover more and more about yourself and the other as you