Help me figure this guy out!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2006
Help me figure this guy out!
1
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 11:27pm

Ok, about 3 months ago I started dating this guy I work with. Things started out REALLY fast (we had sex after only 2 weeks of dating, which is NOT something I normally do) and now I'm not sure where we stand. For the first month of the "relationship" (it wasn't and still isn't a real relationship - we've just been dating) things went really well. We saw each other on almost a daily basis and when we weren't seeing each other, we were either calling or sending each other thoughtful messages throughout the day. During this time period I feel that we both made equal initiatives to see each other.

After the first month of dating I thought I should ask him where he thought things were going and what he was looking for out of our dating. He responded that he wasn't really sure and that while he wasn't dating anyone else, he didn't know if he wanted things to be exclusive quite yet. I was really hurt by this, but I understood where he was coming from - I mean, it had only been a month. Anyways, for the whole second month of dating we barely saw each other outside of work. We might have gotten coffee once or twice, but that was all. I thought things were falling apart and that we were going to go separate ways, which I was pretty bummed about.

Anyways, it's month three of dating and it seems like things are SLOWLY getting back to the way they used to be. A couple of weeks ago I asked him if he wanted to go to a museum with me (were both history buffs) and he said that he was interested. While we were there he was being extra friendly and flirty with me and even had his arm around my waist. I was pretty shocked, to put it lightly, because up until this point he didn't seem like he was interested in anything more than friendship. I don't know many friends that put their arms around each other and in their back pockets... After the date we were saying goodbye and I didn't know if I should give him a hug or simple peck goodbye and I decided that since he had his arms around me all day I would give him a quick peck goodbye and told him that I had a great time. He looked a little shocked that I kissed him, but hopefully it was shocked in a good way... I mean, he did initiate things at the museum! He told me that he had a great time too. I suggested that we do something else and he was like "that sounds like a great idea... I'm just so busy..." Ahhh why pull the busy card after such a great date?!

I do know that he is REALLY busy. He's working 30 hours a week and he's also a graduate student and I know that he doesn't have a lot of spare time on his hands. Plus, I know that he's really stressed about finishing graduate school and all the work that it entails. However, even though he's busy, whenever I ask him if he wants do do something (like get coffee or grab lunch) he always makes the time. I guess I don't understand why he doesn't initiate anything. He never says no if I ask him to do something, but he never makes plans to spend time with me on his own. I feel like I'm being a pest by always being the one that initiates things, but if I don't ask, he just gets wrapped up with school and work. Also, even when we do spend alone time together he usually doesn't initiate anything physical. Since the first month, we haven't done anything other than kiss - and I mean like G rated Disney movie kisses. He has been making it pretty clear that he's interested in more than friendship by doing things like putting his arms around me at the museum, being fairly touchy-feely when were out in public together, calling me in the evening to see how my day was, but as soon as were alone he doesn't even try to kiss me! What is that about?! I feel like I'm having a middle-school romance! I mean, is he afraid of being physically close to me? I just don't understand how two people can go from sleeping with each other to occasional kisses... I realize that things needed to slow down and that having sex probably wasn't the best idea if it wasn't an official relationship, but I just don't know what to make of what is currently going on...

So, what do you guys think is going on? Do you think he's just stressed and that's why things are off? I just don't understand him!!! One day he can't wait to spend time with me and then I'll go a week without hearing from him. I feel like I'm being pulled on a rope and I never know which way it's going to go!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2007
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 10:10am

Who controls the rope??


You are your own person, in charge of your own life.