Pregnant, should I go back to husband?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2008
Pregnant, should I go back to husband?
4
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 9:10am

Hello all

A few weeks ago I wrote a post while I was living in India with my husband who is setting up a business out there. We became pregnant for the first time before we went out but found out only once we were there. My husband is generally described by his own mother and sister as selfish and I have found him increasingly difficult and arguementative. He fails to see things from my point of view such as my fears about having a baby in India and the fact that he wants me to live with his best mate when the baby comes (for 2 years his mate and business partner has lived with us!). After some terrible rows and some incredibly frustrating, irrational and nasty behaviour from him I packed my bags and left India, 4 months pregnant, to stay with my parents. When I arrived they cried about how thin I was, how ill I looked and how stressed I seemed and they were deeply concerned about me going back. The healthcare in france where they live is amazing and I am so comfortable and happy being around my family here. For the first time since pregnancy I feel relaxed and feel my baby is growing in a warm safe environment.
However, my husband is furious I am here and is trying everything to get me back to India. He is trying to solve all the practical issues he failed to help me with or understand before which is all well and good. But he still cannot acknowledge that I left primarily because of his behaviour and unless that changes I wont go back. He just blames me for everything that has happened and fails to see beyond practicalities.

What should I do? Go back and see if it helps at all that he has understood my practical needs as a young pregnant wife? Or stand my ground and stay with my family until after the baby is born when I might consider going back? I am so worried also about the health of my newborn when taking it back to India with no vaccinations and vulnerable to the heat etc.

Sorry for rambling!

Thanks for reading this.

S xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2007
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 9:19am

Sorry you're going through this incredibly difficult situation.


I think the answer lies in whatever solution is best for your baby.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 9:30am

You should be where you are happiest and most comfortable. Since you are the one with a baby inside of you, your health and happiness come first.

I think you should forget about your husband right now. If all he can do is be furious, it is best that you are away.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 3:45pm

'After some terrible rows and some incredibly frustrating, irrational and nasty behaviour from him.........He just blames me for everything that has happened '


Then why would you want to go back? Why would you want to raise a child in that environment?

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 6:17pm

It is important to feel safe, protected and well cared for during pregnancy (and afterwards as well). If you feel threatened or not properly understood and treated this is not only bad for you, but for your child as well. Now you have two people to think of. Stay where you are and let the baby grow in a good enviornment. Perhaps your husband needs to relocate to France, where you have the support you need. I don't think it's a good idea for you to go into an enviornment where you are not treated well or have on-going care, understanding and support. A marriage involves two individuals. Both have to feel happy, safe and well cared for. If you don't feel that way with him, honor your feelings and choose a healthy lifestyle.


Best wishes,