Conflicts of Interest
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| Sat, 03-08-2008 - 10:22am |
I accidentally posted this in the wrong place before.
My boyfriend and I are opposites, which is good in many ways. But, sometimes it causes conflict or distance between us. He is the type to go out and party till 7am and I am more of a home body. Often I stay out late as well, but I end up heading home before he does. It never used to bother me in the beginning of the relationship that he liked to party so much, but recently (about 2 years into the relationship) I am bothered. I find myself wishing he wouldn't stay out so late. I am noticing that I have a want for him to settle down a bit and grow up. He is a charmer and a flirt. I am sure he has never cheated on me, but those late night do involve drinking. I worry about it when I know that I shouldn't. Do you have any advice about how I can handle his need to party so late and my untrusting ways?

Welcome to the board skchica2005,
Some times incompataibility issues don't come out right away.
Reading material to consider:
Are You the One for Me? By Barbara DeAngelis
It tickles me that you describe your woman's intuition as "my untrusting ways".. Please understand that you have the right to OWN your feelings and emotions. As women, all of us know that where there's guys drinking and having a good time, there's also girls present and doing the same thing. And i'll bet over-half the people in club are all in committed relationships, and they are not at the club to "hook-up" with other people.
So most likely only time will fix your dilemma. It may take a few more years for your guy to decide to grow up and see that the "party life" is old and played out.
Cherry
It's a mistake to try to change someone. Unless they change themselves, because they are unhappy with their own behavior, they begin to feel controlled and manipulated. Sometimes people do outgrow partying, and other times not. I can understand that it would get tiresome and worrisome for you, but this is who he is now, and also when you met him. If you find, as time goes by, that you are not happy living with this situation, either you need to face that and make new choices, or simply accept that the two of you are different and this is something he enjoys. Of course trust is crucial here. But without trust it is impossible to live in any healthy situation. Work on your own feelings and needs and decide what you want in a relationship. It is normal to have some areas that are different, but you have to see if you can live with this area in his life.
Best wishes,
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