Move on or move out
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Move on or move out
| Sun, 03-09-2008 - 12:12pm |
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now. He and I live together in my house. I also have a roommate who pays me 300.00 a month. This roommate is one of my BF's best friends.
I am currently depending on my BF for minimal financial assistance. (ie. pay half of the electric bill) I have also loaned him a few thousand dollars. He works and pays his bills and I do the same. But the contributions are not any where near equal. He just pays half the EL bill. I pay the mortgage and food and water and cable and internet and so forth. This is not the problem though. (my house = my responsibility to pay the mortgage)I want more out of our relationship. Marriage. He says he is happy right now and that he loves me and if this was not true then he would not be with me. He also says that someday he wants to get married and have a family, but right now he is not ready. I am older than him by 5 years. I feel like our relationship is stuck in the mud. I don't feel like we are growing. I want to tell him that he needs to make a choice but then if his choice is move out then I may never be repaid and I am out the financial help as well as the roommate paying me rent. This will cause a huge burden on me financially. If his choice is he wants to stay with but is still not ready to get married, then I have to keep waiting. If I keep waiting I will be repaid the moneys that I loaned and possibly will get married. But if we get married I really wouldn't expect him to repay me anyways since I would most likely be paying myself back then. I am stuck loose my boyfriend and loose my house, or keep my boyfriend who has no idea what he wants for our future, and not be financially stuck. I love him but I am sick of waiting. I would be willing to wait and take our time if we were engaged but he won’t even go that far. If he chooses to move out and move on with his life without me then he has to leave my house. How long should I give him and what rules should I set. I don’t know what to do and I need some good advice. I do love him and I believe that he loves me but I am not getting any younger what should I do?
I am currently depending on my BF for minimal financial assistance. (ie. pay half of the electric bill) I have also loaned him a few thousand dollars. He works and pays his bills and I do the same. But the contributions are not any where near equal. He just pays half the EL bill. I pay the mortgage and food and water and cable and internet and so forth. This is not the problem though. (my house = my responsibility to pay the mortgage)I want more out of our relationship. Marriage. He says he is happy right now and that he loves me and if this was not true then he would not be with me. He also says that someday he wants to get married and have a family, but right now he is not ready. I am older than him by 5 years. I feel like our relationship is stuck in the mud. I don't feel like we are growing. I want to tell him that he needs to make a choice but then if his choice is move out then I may never be repaid and I am out the financial help as well as the roommate paying me rent. This will cause a huge burden on me financially. If his choice is he wants to stay with but is still not ready to get married, then I have to keep waiting. If I keep waiting I will be repaid the moneys that I loaned and possibly will get married. But if we get married I really wouldn't expect him to repay me anyways since I would most likely be paying myself back then. I am stuck loose my boyfriend and loose my house, or keep my boyfriend who has no idea what he wants for our future, and not be financially stuck. I love him but I am sick of waiting. I would be willing to wait and take our time if we were engaged but he won’t even go that far. If he chooses to move out and move on with his life without me then he has to leave my house. How long should I give him and what rules should I set. I don’t know what to do and I need some good advice. I do love him and I believe that he loves me but I am not getting any younger what should I do?

NEVER. EVER. EVER LEAN ON A BOYFRIEND FOR FINANCES.
OR LOAN HIM MONEY.
EVER.
This is a "judge judy" situation and will get you nowhere but hurt. Yes, if he moves out you will probably never see that money again but unless you have a written agreement with him, then you simply have to expect that this loan is based on romantic love and trust - which, when it comes to money, means absolutely nothing.
He shouldn't be living with you unless he can pay for his share of what he owes.
It's time for him to move out and for you to move on. Of course he's happy where he is, you allow him to live with you RENT-FREE without any kind of formal commitment. That's a freeloader's dream and you've invited him to take advantage of you.
Now it's time to get smarter, act smarter, and kick him out so that you can start looking for someone who won't take advantage of you.
Welcome to the board cathi80,
Well, I'll say your guy has it made. Of course he's happy as things are. He doesn't pay rent, for food or contribute to other perks (cable, internet, etc).
Welcome to the board cathi80,
You don't necessarily need to tell him to make a choice right now. Simply tell him that you want to get married and we
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