Marriage Falling Apart...Is it Me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2005
Marriage Falling Apart...Is it Me?
7
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 5:44pm

Sorry for the book......


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 6:09pm

Welcome to the board me50021,


It's hard to only hear one side of the story, but what you describe about her is mood-swing, big ones and I'm wondering if she's addressing possible hormone changes as the cause with her doctor?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2005
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 6:18pm

Any advice on how to get her to go to counseling? If I ask to go...it will start a huge fight.


I was thinking of maybe going to marriage counseling myself for a couple of sessions and then having her come in. I might

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Tue, 03-11-2008 - 9:08am

"I say something stupid but really minor or I disagree with her way of doing some mundane household task, preferring to do it my way (which she does to me all the time)."


"She gets furious…I try to apologize, but she tells me a go away. "


"...I try to calm the situation, apologize rationalize and explain if there was a misunderstanding. "


"If I try to apologize further or rationalize what just happen she gets even more furious and tell me I am turning things around again her."


"In the end I end up apologizing pretty much on my hands and knees don’t for using a bad combination of words…but for fighting the wrong way or not listening to her while she’s screaming mad at me."


"If I leave the house all together…she mocks me for being a chicken s&#* and running away. If I ask her if she wants me to leave or stay…she tells me to be a man and make my own decision."


Why don't you stop "apologizing"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2005
Tue, 03-11-2008 - 12:33pm

Thank you for the feedback, it was helpful.


The one thing that makes the whole situation difficult is that 25-26 days of the month, if I would say something kinda stupid...and she will say 'well that was kinda mean'...I would say 'Oh I am sorry that totally came out wrong'....and everything would be fine. Its the days that her hormones are roaring or she's got inner rage from being crabby that a minor situation gets interpreted totally irrationally. Its when I get ambushed and don't drastically change the way I handle arguments that I get in trouble.


The doormat issue is the toughest and why I need to go to therapy. While I am flexible, I am anything but a doormat (personality wise).

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 03-11-2008 - 7:08pm

It seems you two are VERY incompatible socially. It's not okay for her to treat you badly because of hormones. There are lots of options to help her, but blaming her hormones for her bad behavior is not one of them.

If you want to trick her into counseling, since being straightforward won't work, then you have the best chance of doing it by making her feel as though YOU are the one with the problem you'd like to fix. Tell her that you want to learn how to relate to her better.

Good luck, she sounds like a real piece of work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Thu, 03-13-2008 - 6:36am

Sounds like you can't win for trying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2013
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