Confused! What to do with him?
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Confused! What to do with him?
| Tue, 03-11-2008 - 9:51am |
Ok, here is the background. I have posted many times before about this so called "relationship" and am still lost and confused. I have been "seeing" this guy for about 6 months. At the beginning he said he is not looking for a serious relationship, that he was hurt

I understand you want to be with him all the time and want a "real" relationship.
When are you going to BELIEVE him?
You should have to play games with him in order to get him into a "relationship" with you. He has said that he doesn't want to be in a relationship so I think you should stop wanting around for him to change his mind. Go ahead and started dating other people. If you do though, I think you should cut things off with him completely.
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You already know what you need to do!!!
Clearly, it is very hard to date other people when your heart and body are so involved with this man. But what is interesting here is that you say that when you pulled back, he came forward. Many men are like this. They need to chase, to make the advances. Otherwise they feel controlled and suffocated. Some men just enjoy the chase. Then, when they have someone, they pull away or lose interest. Your man probably has both of these issues going on. If you pull back, most likely he'll come forward again. You can do this, but also it is a kind of game. The deeper question you should be asking yourself is what you really want for your whole life? You said in the beginning that you did want a relationship. He said he did not. What he meant was that he did not want to be committed and emotionally involved. So, even though, you are actually in a relationship what is missing is the committment to it and the wish to have it grow and develop into more. Sooner or later you have to face the reality of your situation and the games that are going on.
What do you want for your future? Can this relationship give it to you? Talk it over. See if you're on the same page, if he wants what you want. If he doesn't , he doesn't. You can't change or manipulate that. He may just enjoy have the sex, closeness and contact. It may never go further with him. You have to respect that may be the way he feels.
You can love someone very much, but if they don't want what you want, you'll never get it from them. See how important it is to you to be in a relationship that grows in committment and perhaps leads to marriage. If this is very important, and he's not there, he's not the one you should be with, no matter how you feel. It can only lead to frustration and games for both of you.
Be honest with yourself and each other. This is the way out of this bind.
Best wishes,
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