Should I try again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2008
Should I try again?
5
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 6:04pm


Need some advice/opinions....

I've been lurking the boards for a while, read all the resources, etc... but haven't really seen my issue and I'm looking for opinions

I was with my bf for about 2.5 years when he hooked up with a girl one night.We were just starting college when it happened. Its been over 2 years since that incident. He says they didn't sleep together but regardless, he betrayed me. We worked thru things for a while but eventually the distance and lack of trust just changed my outlook on whether i was wasting my time or not. I think I was just waiting to get hurt again and wanted to get out before I did.

Its been almost a year since we broke up, but we never did the NC thing, we were good friends for so long and just seemed to have a hard time maybe breaking away. We have stayed "friends". We have not had any kind of physical relationship, but have gone out to dinner maybe 3 times in this last year just to catch up when we're both in town. He has been very clear that he wants to get back together but he understands that his actions have caused my feelings to change.

Regardless, he has tried very hard to show me his remorse. So this is my question- how do I know if I should try again? I admit I am fighting with myself. I know I deserve better, he has shown me that he has learned from this experience. I am scared to death to give him my heart again, and not even sure if I want to.

How do I sort thru these feelings to figure out what is right? I dont want my fear to overshadow having our relationship back, and I think showing me his remorse for over 2 years without dating anyone else does show committment. Yet Im scared and wonder if I have feelings that I am surpressing. Any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 6:53pm

Welcome to the board xxlostgirlxx,


Healing betrayal usually takes professional help, due to those doubts, shadows and fears. Most people cannot work through them on their own.


You might find this interesting:


Getting Back Together - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=22969.1


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 8:45pm
If you know you deserve better then do what is right for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 10:09am
I couldn't agree more with ragingangel. If you do decide to reconcile, remember that it's in spite of who he is and what he's done to you. You will be fighting for a slim chance. It is usually wiser to take someone's actions to be a revelation of who they are at heart, and make your decisions accordingly. Breaking up with him was the right thing to do. Of course it's possible he could have changed but you should know what you're up against if you decide to revisit something that hurt you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2007
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 10:17am

The fact is, beginning college is a hard time for high school relationships.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 3:10pm

It always takes