Please Help, My hearts getting Twisted
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| Tue, 06-10-2008 - 2:54am |
I am here for help so if you can please help me.
I am 35 now, I have been dating a man for four years who is 52
he is 2x divorced and has 3 kids but I thought he was still open to loving me have had serious ups and downs but then after a night of passionate love making today he is 100% distant and tells me that he is not as attracted to me???? OMG what??
is not sure if he can see us in the future being together?? we had the ONE conversation about living together and now he is totally cooled off? talked to me about my weight but so you have a clear idea ii have had two miscarriages one at months one at 5 months one at 3 but I am5'7" size 12 he seems to want me back to size 4! it's insane it makes me angry he would even say anything about my weight and feeling attraction but on another level I know it to be an important but come on..........I feel wow ho superficial since I did not get pregnant alone.......then he remarks we have been together 4 years but I as pregnant less then a 8 months ago.
its supported by his friends who tell him to date other people and his ex wife who I feel after 14 years + and is married now may still enjoy that she is the only one he has kids with. i am more than happy to NOT have children, its the way i wanted things it just happened and we took it in stride an would have loved the children had things worked out.
its not that I don't like her I used to, but I am in real estate and she feels I am the cause of her problems because I could not sell her a house??
I don't know what to do right now. please please help
his ex wife when we were friends told me when he left she felt so horrible about her body from all his comments when she met her husband she always wanted the lights off to make love and I NEVER felt that from him until the past 2 years. my self esteem is so off i feel if he leaves me will i ever be able to get anyone?
Edited 6/10/2008 1:45 pm ET by sugardrops

Honestly, doesnt make much sense to me :-(
Is it he or she?
Welcome to the board sugardrops,
Sorry but in my opinion after 4 years he should know whether or not he is willing to commit to you or sees a future with you. Maybe he is the issue of children and at his age he doesn't want any more.
glitter-graphics.com
glitter-graphics.com
This is a point about dating that no one warns anyone about...what are the dealbreakers?
For this man a dealbreaker is weight gain.
Welcome to the board sugardrops,
Sorry for your miscarriages.
In the book: Relationship Rescue, by Phil McGraw, he addresses the weight issue.
Thank you all for your replies.
the thing is HE SHOULD BE ATTRACTED TO ME that i 100% UNDERSTAND
THE THING to me is i was pregnant and gained the weight less then 8th months ago. he things after i should have gone right back to the gym and lost the weight.
i am 5'7" and only a size 12-10 thats not FAT to me it really isnt
normally i consider myself thin at a 6 or 4 at my height but i must admit i do like the confidence
he wants to cut his loses now, we have real estate an other investments together and now he wants to leave me take take our dreams and go because i am 40 lbs heavier?? BTW i am back at the gym every day for an hour at least.
i dont get him at all, its not going to come off over night like lipo?
i wish he wasnt making decisions about US alone.and yes his support system loves to steer him away from me.
i feel pretty trapped with fear, and they way he says things about my weight are VERY HURTFUL
last night we were together- i told him while kissing what a great time i had----his response was, "babe you really need to work on your weight problem, i'm beng as sensitive as i can"
no he says if i dont lose the weight he's leaving
The best thing you can do for yourself is pack his bags, change the locks and tell him to get a life, and get him out of yours.
YOU do not deserve to be treated like this, it is emotional abuse, you deserve better, but you will not get that until you get him out of your life and get some self help books or counseling to help get your self respect back. And truly believe you deserve better.
He doesn't love or respect you because you don't love and respect yourself first. If he actually loved you he would not care if you gained 50 lbs he would love you for the person you are.
You do not need this "man" (and I say that loosely) in your life, please get rid of him and realize you deserve so much better than what he is giving you.
This man has real problems and the question is why are you still with him?? Some men, who feel badly about themselves, work it out by trying to make the woman they are with feel badly about themselves - and this gives them a sense of power. It's sick and destructive behavior. It's crazy for him to tell you to be a size 4. If he doesn't love and want you for who you are, if he doesn't love and validate and support you emotionally and in other ways, then staying with him is a form of abuse. You are abusing yourself by accepting this kind of demeaning behavior. It's good that you see that he did it before with his past wife. Patterns repeat.
I strongly urge you to get into therapy, to get a clear picture of your worth and deservability and to understand why in the world you have stayed with him for so long?
Best wishes,
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I am sorry but he is being really rude over this whole weight thing. The real problem I see if he isn't encouraging you to lose weight for yourself or for your health. It is purely selfish reasoning for him because he doesn't like your weight.
If you want to lose the weight for yourself do it. Don't do it just to keep him. Sorry but he doesn't sound worth it right now.
glitter-graphics.com
glitter-graphics.com