thank you all for your help, its now...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2008
thank you all for your help, its now...
7
Thu, 06-12-2008 - 12:53pm

time to heal my heart.

last night the man who called me fat has said to me at the gym...i front of people after 4 years of dating..........hes no longer attracted to me.

he went on and on to say that he feels he "can't wait" for me to get things together
i left the gym crying after a 2 hour work out.

what has never happened in my life is a man telling me he is no longer attracted to me because i am 5'7" and a size 12

now i fear i may second guess myself forever on my looks!

also how do i begin dating again with body issues and at 35! dammit!!!
why has this happened to me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 06-12-2008 - 1:03pm
Wow, he is a jerk. I don't him and his messed up perceptions ruin your self esteem. Give yourself some time to heal from this before you enter the dating world again. And remember that you are worthy of being loved. Sorry this happened to you.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-12-2008 - 1:34pm

Wow, I'm so sorry that happened to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 06-12-2008 - 2:34pm

Hi sugardrops,


I'm sure this happened so that you would get away from him and stay away from him for good and never, ever entertain the idea of getting back together with him.


Self-esteem goes a long way and you can rebuild it, even at the size you are now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Thu, 06-12-2008 - 7:12pm

"now i fear i may second guess myself forever on my looks!"


Your ex is a sadist.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Thu, 06-12-2008 - 9:23pm

I second the idea of changing gyms. In fact I would start going to a woman only gym to get away from men altogether when you work out- no fear (however irrational) that that will happen again.


Here is a concern I have though. If you second guess yoursef because of what he said and it affects you so deeply then maybe there are other things going on with you that you need to explore. Do you depend too much on men to make you feel good about yourself?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Thu, 06-12-2008 - 9:35pm
You should have turned to him and said "I'm about to lose 180 lbs. (or whatever he weighs) of ugly fat real quick."
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2008
Fri, 06-13-2008 - 1:45am

Thank you all for the support.

i won't be changing gyms however.....its LA Fitness its a great gym its fully paid and offers great classes

Not Defending him, but he didn't yell it at the gym but there were people around and i i was floored with grief.

I was at the gym today, i am not going to hide from him OR run to him i also went when i knew he wasnt there but every day will be better i am sure.

he picked on my looks! something i used to be very confident in..but all the time before i saw how i looked as an asset not all i had to offer. it hurt.
i was going to the gym to get back in shape for myself then he swept the power from me and made it surface and shallow like it was all i had

today he told our mutual friend, that he just doesnt know what happened to me. my body isnt the same. saying it to me is one thing but he seems to want everyone in los angeles to know i am no longer attractive to him. :( that makes me sad but i still want run and hide for being a size 10-12, if when i get back to being a 4-6 great for ME i will remind myself its not about him daily.

thank you all so much, your comments have been helping every day. :)