How can we get through this?
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| Tue, 06-17-2008 - 3:46pm |
This is a bit of a long story but I'll tell it as quick as I can.
First, my boyfriend and I have been together for around 3 years now. We met through a mutual friend on the internet and have been flying back and forth to see eachother for the past 2 years. We live a good 5 hours away by plane so we are literally at opposite ends of the country. Despite all this, I love him with all my heart. He means everything to me. He is moving out here in 2 months and I can't wait. As you can guess, the majority of our relationship is over the phone. We talk several times throughout the day and end with a longer (usually) conversation at night. We're very close and we communicate very well. I'd say we're a strong couple... we have to be. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship knows

Welcome to the board babyangelnikki69,
The thing is you can't change him and how he wants to act/react regarding this. You feel you have already paid for the issue and obviously he doesn't feel that way. It could be that you don't really know each other as well as you thought you did. Because even though you talk for hours a day you don't really get to know a person until you have spend a good amount of time quality time with them in person. Believe me I know from experience. Since talking to him over the phone about this is only resulting in him yelling at you why don't you email him about it.
glitter-graphics.com
glitter-graphics.com
You do have a problem now.
Welcome to the board babyangelinkki69,
Unfortunately, you can't get through to him.
Why do you accuse him of not loving you because he isn't very affectionate? You know that's just him. It really hurts guys to be accused of this when it's not true.
You're mature for a 21 year old girl but .. You are still 21. That's very young in the dating world, if I didn't know better I'd say that this guy is your first serious relationship, yeah? It takes time to get to understand how to treat men and deal with them. It also takes a lot of experience to truly understand what it is to be two individuals in one relationship, where you can work on yourself and the relationship - but you can't directly work on the other person. He's his own guy, you can try to change your language in order to make it more possible for him to understand you - but really, he has to be receptive to what you're saying no matter how you're saying it. Or the information will always fall on deaf ears.
"I texted the guy, told him I was committed to my relationship and asked that he leave me alone."
I do hope you said this in a nicer way, since you did accept his date and flirt with him only hours earlier.
The best way of getting through this is to date other people like your instincts are telling you. You are 21 years old, to commit to someone you can't get along with 100% is a big mistake. I know this is not the answer you want to hear and you will probably have to learn this for yourself. But your boyfriend is who he is, and the way he treats you and reacts is all because he's an individual with a personality and experience different from yours. At every given point in his day, he is thinking a different thought than you. I think you need to try making another way in life with someone who you can see on weekends if you want, whose personality you can learn in person early on. If you want a man who is affectionate then this is clearly not him.