I'm overreacting to everything Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2008
I'm overreacting to everything Help!
5
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 6:36pm
So it is kind of hard to share all of my story in this little box but I will try.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 7:55pm

Well, most people after a while are more considerate of their friends than their SO..isnt that a shame?


I dont have serious relationships with men who have opposite sex friends because I feel that it strips the primary relationship of necessary emotional intimacy. - likeconfiding in that person instead of the SO and with less emotional intimacy the romantic relationship suffers. Some people like to have that in their lives so that they can avoid true intimacy with a partner...kind of like avoidance or self sabatoge.


So I understand your concerns about this girl, but it doesnt look like he is willing to give that relationship up at this point. Would you feel comfortable asking him to do so?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 10:40pm

Welcome to the board cris_osu,


Sounds like he's investing considerable time and effort in building a friendship with her, when the way your relationship is, the relationship could benefit from that effort.


Reading material to consider:


Five Love Langagues, by Gary Chapman (read it together)


Relationship Rescue, Phil McGraw


10 Stupid Things Couple's Do to Mess up Their Relationship, by Laura Schlessinger





angels

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 11:30pm

Wow! First off, no you are not overreacting to everything! I am pretty close to reaching the SAMMMME boat you're in!! I cannot believe how similar your story is to my boyfriend and I.


You both obviously love each other very much. And taking a break, especially after being together as long as you both have, can be beneficial to your relationship. I'm going to try and say something about key things you mentioned, things that I've learned from advice given to me, and things that I'm still learning today!


You mentioned that "you're the one with the problem/low self-esteem/insecure" with yourself. YOU are NOT the one with the problem. I will be honest with you,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2008
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 11:01am

Hi, thanks so much for your advice..it really does help..its funny because I can TOTALLY relate to the comment where you mentioned that when your bf asks you go to you typically try to make it and when the tables are turned and you ask him the answer is most often no.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 10:27pm

You're quite welcome! And I also appreciate your input as well. The same goes to you too, feel free to write anytime! With my crazy job I try to check in as much as I can, sometimes not til later at night though.

I totally feel the same as you. I feel that sometimes I'm the angry one, but now it seems that my boyfriends flies off the handle way more quickly and easily than I do, and I have to be the one to tell him, "hey, whats your deal I'm just trying to talk!" But he knows that I'm insecure in the relationship and thats why I believe that I can be really controlling to him. I don't want to be and I don't mean to be but it's just something I have to work on with myself. It's definitely a really great idea that you called a counselor today. For a few months now I've been considering it as well but haven't acted on it yet. Even though the relationship I'm in is only a boyfriend-girlfriend status, I even thought of couples counseling for us, but he's not the type of guy to really go for that so I'm not sure.

From what you wrote, and how I viewed your description as, it doesn't seem like your man would leave you again. If he did it would probably have to be under extreme circumstances like cheating or having terrible streaks of arguing.

Again, with regards, feel free to write anytime, and thanks too!