embarrassment needs help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
embarrassment needs help!
12
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 10:43pm

Back around November or so, I confided in telling my boyfriend something that absolutely NO ONE knew about. We've been together for a while now, so I know that I can trust him with my life. I still can, even now after everything happened. I'd rather not say (just yet) what I told him, but none the less, he ended up telling his family, and our entire groupd of friends, including my 2 best girlfriends when I wasn't around. I was so pissed, and even thinking about it now makes me so angry!


Well I found out today that one of my best friends knew the secret all along, and I didn't know my boyfriend had even told her. Him and I fight a lot, but we always end up fine in the end. So we've been doing ok lately, and then tonight, I asked him when he told

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 12:03am

Welcome to the board porcelain1,


::I'm embarrassed to this day by the situation, and all he replys with is "see, how does it feel?" Because what I told him was embarrassing to him.


So by telling him, you embarrassed him privately and in retaliation he publically embarrasses you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 6:07am
Look at the big picture here. You got a serious glimpse of what this man's true character is. To learn that he is spiteful and vengeful is a real eye-opener you should not ignore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 8:59am
Now, it is something that I thought was in the past and that I was healed from it. But the second it pops into my head, I get severely down about it and I always feel I should go to him to talk about it since it involved him and he knows the situation. So I can admit that I'm not over it and that I'm still very much embarrassed.
I emailed my friend last night to ask her what my boyfriend had said and that I told her I'd explain the situation. All she replied back with was "no need to explain, just drop it no further discussion case closed." And that right there made me embarrassed again! Knowing my own best friend doesn't even want to hear it again from ME!
Needless to say, if I even begin to talk about the situation with him he gets very angry because he doesn't want to hear anything about it. And right now I'm still so pissed off that I want to tell him that hes a vengeful ass for doing that to me, but it will only cause problems for us that we don't need again in the relationship. It's just frustrating!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 9:45am
Your boyfriend wants the situation to be over because he is uncomfortable dealing with what he has caused.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 9:52am
I'm glad to know that he wants the situation to be over with. So do I! But I just keep feeling like I should bring it up again knowing I have something to say. It's like I know what I want to say but I don't know if I should because I know how he'll react, or if I should keep it to myself for the better and just let it go. I'm definitely not letting myself be distracted from his attitude! That's probably why I want to keep mentioning something despite his reaction because I care too much about his attitude, you know?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 10:10am
You definitely shouldn't, in my opinion, dismiss what's happened out of fear of it causing problems between you two because it already *has* caused problems. You're even more embarrassed now than you were before, and you're hurt and humiliated by what he's done in telling everyone about it. You trusted him to keep your secret and not only did he *not* keep that secret, but he told it to others to get some sort of revenge against you. That, to me, is a huge, red flag waving, dealbreaker that should not be ignored.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 10:17am
Right. I totally agree that it shouldn't be ignored. In his eyes, he just wants to drop it and forget about it. I can see that too but he just doesn't understand how I feel about it, that's why it's so easy for him to say that. Even though he's hurt me tremendously with all this and told my business to others, I forgave him, but I didn't forget! It's definitely something in the back of my mind now like "what else can occur in my life where he'll do the same thing?" But other than this situation, I can whole heartedly trust him. Thats why i'm still with him!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 12:38pm

Ok, first it's not that your friend never wants to hear from you, my guess is that your friend doesn't want to be in the middle of it, have to take sides and doesn't want to discuss what was said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 4:45pm

You mentioned that you divuluged a secret of his once.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 10:19pm
Yes absolutely! I can play the whole thing over and over again in my head ever since day 1 when I confided in him, all the way to the devastation that happened over it. I have forgiven him, I guess, because I'm not the type of person to hold something against someone, but then again, I will never forget what he did back to me and it seems like its making it hard to actually forgive him.

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