Is this the end of it all?
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| Thu, 06-26-2008 - 4:27pm |
Please bare with me in case this gets a bit long.
His name is Justin. We have been on and off for 2 years and it's never been easy. I had just gotten out of a heavy relationship and he was known as a player, but for whatever reason - we clicked. He made is known he was officially to one girl only and I learned to trust again. Our kink? We went to college wayy too far away. We managed to make it work until things got rocky and I began to hate my college in Florida, deciding then to move back home. Maybe this is where everything got ruined. We decided we should go to school together to make things better and for the most part, I would say it worked out perfectly. We were both happy, our relationship was healthy and everything was going great. School turned to summer vacation and due to family issues he had to transfer and I was stuck. A lot of this made our relationship even more rocky and 3 months into it all, I called it quits because we simply were not getting along. However, we were still stuck. Although we were no longer together we continued to see each other, which eventually made things worse. Jealousy was a huge thing as we are both very jealous people, but for some reason we couldn't be apart.
When we started back in school - two separate ones once again. Things did not get any easier and I chose to close all contact with him. Although it was tough in the beginning, I was able to pick myself up and be happy again. In the process I met someone new and I vowed to take things slow this time. The new guy (Eddie) was amazing, as if god had heard all of my prayers of finding my match and POOF one drunken night (he was drunk, not i) he appeared before me and it was as if it were meant to be. We dated (not seriously) for about a month (which is nothing) but we knew something that could grow was there. Word began to get out and eventually got to my ex who soon enough began to flip. Fall semester turned to Winter break and New years my ex was blowing up my phone, telling me he had made quite the mistake. Of course, with the new unofficial beau I ignored him for days on end until Spring semester came and he showed up to my school. Crying and begging he asked me for another chance and after rejecting me once more for hurting me. He attempted suicide. This completely broke me down and I left the new guy in search of saving the old one. I had always loved him and I'm pretty sure I always will, he was indeed my first real love and I couldn't fathom him not being around. So after months of him chasing, I finally took him back. After him promising day in and day out that he would never hurt me like the way he did again. BY neglecting me and not understanding and thus treating me like crap.
However, that deteriorated rapidly. Once again we began to bicker. I am apparently too overbearing when I get upset that plans he and I had get cancelled due to video games. I am inconsiderate when my car broke down and he was too busy with his bestfriend fixing his motorcycle. I'm a nut case, but everything he does is okay. All of a sudden we're back to what made me leave him the first time around and I want to know if its something that I'm doing wrong? Do I care too much? Not enough? Is there no middle ground for us? I am the type that likes to deal with things head on, he is not. And just today - after him promising and swearing and crying that he would never hurt me again - He asked me for some space apart. I have a feeling that maybe he found someone new, but I can't figure it out. Is this the end of it all or do I just respect his asking for space and bolt? Am I compromising too much of myself?
What did I do wrong..I'm still trying to figure that out..

Welcome to the board nothinggoodgetsaway,
Oh boy. He's got you brainwashed....
::I am apparently too overbearing when I get upset that plans he and I had get cancelled due to video games. I am inconsiderate when my car broke down and he was too busy with his bestfriend fixing his motorcycle. I'm a nut case, but everything he does is okay.
::I want to know if its something that I'm doing wrong? Do I care too much? Not enough? Is there no middle ground for us?
It's that you've put up with emotional/mental abuse and you call it love.
I'm sort of agreeing with itwinflame here... He has you convinced it's your fault. He's even capable of "attempting" suicide in order to show you how serious he is.
Justin is mentally unstable and unsound. He is attempting to control you emotionally, he already has you wrapped around his little finger believing that you are the one at fault for things that are just ridiculous. He has no idea who he is or what he wants. He is in no place to have a relationship with anyone. A person who would even attempt suicide is not a person who is psychologically well enough to be in a relationship where they are at least in part responsible for someone else emotionally.
The only thing you're doing wrong is giving him what he wants.
There is a reason your relationship is so rough that it has been on-again-off-again (as you describe) for two years. That reason is because it's not meant to work out.
You're wasting time that could be spent in a healthy functional relationship. Say goodbye to him for good, and don't look back. It may take some time but you will be very thankful.
I know it's not easy to let go.