"If I am reading this from a friend's POV I would say it's a lost cause, but the problem (?) is I am in love with this man."
Read this over and over until you truly feel the weight of it. LOST CAUSE. That is a very strong phrase to use. And I agree with you. It's a lost cause. You're making the Ultimate Female Mistake(tm) of tying yourself to the railroad tracks because you love the train. I'm sure he has wonderful qualities and when he does love you it feels intense and real. But it would be downright stupid of you to look at this guy's track record and think that it's your responsibility to get over it. Would you hire an employee who has a history of stealing from other companies? So why would you need to commit to a man who has been "fired" from two marriages? Okay so he's in recovery, that's great for him but IFFY for you. This guy is a huge risk, and so far after only two months he's just not working out. "I love him" doesn't cut it. We've said that to wives of abusers and people worse off than you. Love isn't enough. Two people have to be at the right point in their lives to welcome a relationship, it's about timing. This man may have better potential in the future but he's shutting down and failing after such an incredibly short amount of time. If you bought a car that did this to you after this amount of time, you'd take it back to the dealer. And a car isn't even meant to last forever, like the love between two people.
I think you know the answer, you are smart and strong and you will know what to do when your desire to have a healthy functional relationship that makes you happy overcome your feelings for this man in particular. Good luck.
I can't really tell you what to do because it's your life and you know best... All I can say is that I know how tough it is, having been there before, when the person you love is not 100% good for you. Hope it all turns out well for you, I'm sure it will.
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"If I am reading this from a friend's POV I would say it's a lost cause, but the problem (?) is I am in love with this man."
Read this over and over until you truly feel the weight of it. LOST CAUSE. That is a very strong phrase to use.
And I agree with you. It's a lost cause.
You're making the Ultimate Female Mistake(tm) of tying yourself to the railroad tracks because you love the train.
I'm sure he has wonderful qualities and when he does love you it feels intense and real. But it would be downright stupid of you to look at this guy's track record and think that it's your responsibility to get over it. Would you hire an employee who has a history of stealing from other companies? So why would you need to commit to a man who has been "fired" from two marriages? Okay so he's in recovery, that's great for him but IFFY for you. This guy is a huge risk, and so far after only two months he's just not working out.
"I love him" doesn't cut it. We've said that to wives of abusers and people worse off than you. Love isn't enough. Two people have to be at the right point in their lives to welcome a relationship, it's about timing. This man may have better potential in the future but he's shutting down and failing after such an incredibly short amount of time. If you bought a car that did this to you after this amount of time, you'd take it back to the dealer. And a car isn't even meant to last forever, like the love between two people.
I think you know the answer, you are smart and strong and you will know what to do when your desire to have a healthy functional relationship that makes you happy overcome your feelings for this man in particular. Good luck.
Edited 7/1/2008 12:03 pm ET by sunnyseas
When one comes to an impasse one needs to identify the risks and the rewards of pursuing the issue/relationship/event further.
Edited 7/1/2008 12:04 pm ET by sunnyseas
I know you're struggling right now.
Edited 7/1/2008 12:05 pm ET by sunnyseas
Edited 7/1/2008 12:06 pm ET by sunnyseas
Welcome to the board sunnyseas,
Two Months?
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