is my friend a sociopath?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2008
is my friend a sociopath?
6
Mon, 06-30-2008 - 1:37am
I am considering ending a relationship
with a friend of almost 10 years, because I'm worried he may have an
incurable mental disorder. "Friend" is misleading, as our
relationship has been semi-sexual and... not very friendly. He seems
to be completely self-absorbed, emotionally retarded (not displaying
emotions), lacking remorse and empathy, incapable of intimacy in any
real form. Ex: He occasionally calls me late at night with grandiose
professions of love, but will claim the exact opposite the next day.
He instigates explicit sexual conversations, but cannot handle
physical contact with me except on very rare occasions (sexual
encounters in which he had to exercise complete dominance and control;
also he refuses to have intercourse). He regularly makes plans with
me that he has no intention of keeping. I stumbled across an article
about psychopathy, and he seems to fit all of the non-criminal
descriptions perfectly, with one major exception: sociopaths are
supposed to be free from anxiety, something he experiences in excess.
He is an artist and lives alone, claims he has many friends, is
very intelligent and charming, and is generally functional. Do you
think this is an amalgamate of several disorders? What kind of
treatment is available for them? I admit I have strong romantic feelings for this man, is there something wrong with me? He and I are 26 and 24, respectively.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Mon, 06-30-2008 - 6:58am
You want some good advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Mon, 06-30-2008 - 9:44am

I have to agree with the previous poster. There are so many reasons why he may behave the way he does and it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him. There are many people who block themselves off from others and seem devoid of feelings. It doesn't mean they don't have feelings, they have problems expressing them.

Either way, if you are uncomfortable with him why even consider spending time with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mon, 06-30-2008 - 11:01am
It doesn't matter why he displays these characteristics--the important thing is that he does, and you can't fix him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Mon, 06-30-2008 - 11:29pm
There are many things your friend could be but unless he is properly diagnosed you wont know for sure.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 1:27pm

Welcome to the board mitsunori,


Even if you label him a sociopath, my question would be why would you settle for these things:


1) "Friend" is misleading, as our relationship has been semi-sexual and... not very friendly.


2) He seems to be completely self-absorbed, emotionally retarded (not displaying emotions), lacking remorse and empathy, incapable of intimacy in any real form. Ex: He occasionally calls me late at night with grandiose professions of love, but will claim the exact opposite the next day.


3) He instigates explicit sexual conversations, but cannot handle physical contact with me except on very rare occasions (sexual encounters in which he had to exercise complete dominance and control; also he refuses to have intercourse).


4) He regularly makes plans with me that he has no intention of keeping.


I cannot figure out why you would be friends with this kind of person or why you would put up with and/or be in any kind of relationship with a person that treats you this way.


::What kind of treatment is available for them?


There is, but HE would have to want it.


::I admit I have strong romantic feelings for this man, is there something wrong with me?


Maybe - codependent.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 9:30pm

I cannot diagnose this man as I do not know him, but I can say that you need to understand yourself better. The problem isn't with him but with you. You need to find out why you are attracted to this kind of treatment and person, why you are staying in a situation like this. Get yourself some good therapy to work through your own issues and become able to attract a relationship that is healthy and filled with respect.


Best wishes,