I'm 22, what happens next?
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 06-30-2008 - 10:10pm |
So, I just feel like I need to vent. I realize everyone has problems and I know my pity party is selfish, but if you're extremely bored, enjoy.
So I'm 22, I've been married for 2 years. Married the guy from high school who was the first to get into my pants. Did I marry him out of obligation? I am starting to think so. So when we were dating he was the sweetest guy on earth. He was patient, romantic, and everything I thought I wanted. Okay, I was twenty! My frontal lobe was not developed! Please don't start with "I told you so!" Anyway, so now he does not even move when I come home, he is not excited to see me ever! He's rude! For some reason he has turned out to be racist, which I cannot handle. He makes awful remarks about people he doesn't't know! He

Welcome to the board coconut_72,
I would like to suggest that you really, really work on your self-esteem so that you can block out his rude, mean, disrespectful comments.
ok, you don't believe in divorce, but let me ask you
You don't believe in divorce but is what you have a marriage? A trusting respectful satisfying relationship between two people?
Honey, admit you made a mistake by marrying too young and get out if you know he won't change and before you get pregnant.
It sounds to me as though the man you are living with has become quite abusive and depressed. Not only that, but he is pulling you down with him. Going along with abuse is never helpful, not for you or for anyone. You are not doomed to live your whole life in this negative situation. Get yourself to therapy. Build your own self esteem. Work on what's going on in this marriage and the best way for you to handle it. When you become clear and strong and realize that you deserve love and respect, you will be able to relate to this man in a way that will be healthy and constructive for all.
Best wishes,
Save Your Relationship: The 21 Basic Laws Of Successful Relationships
Change The Way Women Think About Men and Find Out What Men Really Think About Relationships
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.
Sometimes, you just need a weekend getaway. Leave everyone behind for a couple days, go somewhere a couple hours drive away from everyone. Turn off the cell phone except during pre-agreed upon hours, and ask yourself the big questions.
No one stays perfect forever, we all change. I have a friend in my life who, when I met him, was a hard working, smart, intelligent, funny, and caring person. For a while, I did fall for the guy! I over looked all this imperfections thinking people are human, and this too, shall pass. But later in life, he's 25, lives with his parents, no job, no car. He's a good friend, but thankfully, we never got seriously involved in each other! Even when we were and he ticked me off, I remembered the little things I liked about him, and it helped me through the hard times.
*hug* just take a deep breath, let it out, and center for a moment. You know what you need to do deep in your heart.
Thanks to everyone for your suggestions and support. To give an update: He wears his wedding ring on his key chain. He has been doing it for about two weeks. I have finally let him know about how it made me feel, and he wears it (at least when he is around me) and says that it's no big deal if he wears it or not. I have realized there are some serious money issues, which is the last thing I want to argue over because I don't think of myself as a greedy person. I am currently making more money than him. He spends more money than I do and we constantly struggle to pay the bills while he is wanting a new truck and an iphone. We are going to have a discussion when he gets home from work tomorrow. I'm going to confront in a way that is not offensive so that maybe he can see where i'm comming from. He currently is incharge of all of the bills and gives me a weekly allowance. I am going to ask for more responsibility by having seperate accounts and spliting the bills that we both use (house, power, water, etc...) and using the rest for our personal business so that I can be more responsible and whenever he wants a iphone, he dosen't have to consult me, he can buy it with his own money if he should have any left! I have decided that I have a lot of caring people in my corner. I have nothing to be afraid of. He can either respect me for wanting to take responsibility or get angry and if he gets angry, then I know he
Sweety I think you have a good idea of what you need to do. Such as confronting him in a non-offensive way. Being the better person is always the way to go, even if things don't turn out in your corner, at least you can have sound of mind knowing that you were the adult. As for him just getting mad when you cry, I honestly think that men put on that front of being mad or irritated because they do not know what to do and maybe even deep down it upsets them. Who knows right? I don't agree with divorce either, only in the case of someone being unfaithful. It's NOT just a piece of paper, you vowed to love this person through thick and thin.
So, just keep trying. Give him his space, find your own hobbies, while at the same time not completely separating your life from his. You don't want to come to a point where you don't share any interests or socialize together. The best way to get their attention, is to show that you are fine without them. Still let him know that you love him and respect him as your husband, but that you CAN live without him. Choose your words and actions wisely. Best wishes :)