Are my expectations too high??
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| Thu, 07-03-2008 - 2:05pm |
my bf and i have been together for well over 2 years now. we live together, and just moved to a new condo. i work out of town during the week and come home on Friday night's for the weekend. over the past 2 years we have had our share of ups & downs...
in the beginning of our relationship, my bf was so romantic... he'd take me on little day trips to the mountains, every time i would arrive to work and log onto my computer there was always an email from him waiting for me in the morning. he'd call during the day to see how i was or he'd cook me dinner, or buy me flowers just because. we'd spend every minute together (as the first 9 months of our relationship, HE was the one who worked out of town) so our time together was cherished very much by both of us... he was just a genuinely great guy, and i thought things would stay this way forever...
we lived together (neither of us worked out of town) for about 1 year, then he was offered a wicked job in the city, so we both thought in the long term, this could definitely set us up for the future. when he used to work out of the town, and i was the one working in the city, sometimes i would prepare dinner for him, on the table hot & ready for him, with a nice glass of wine poured for him as soon as he walked in the door.
now the tables are turned, i'm the one who works out of town, I've been doing it for about 6 months now, and i haven't once came home to dinner on the table for me. i'm usually home by around 7 - 7:30, so there is plenty of time, I've even told him "gee it sure would be nice if somebody made me dinner for once!"... and nothing. it doesn't even seem like he is excited to see me when i come home. just a simple "hey, how's it going" and little kiss, sometimes not even for hours! it hurts so bad, because a year ago we would have been thrilled to see each other, and probably rip each others clothes off!!
the last couple times i have come home, I've talked to him during the day and he tells me that him & his coworkers are going out after work for some beers. maybe my expectations are a little too high, but i just assume that he would be excited to see me and he'd be at home waiting for me... and maybe, just maybe he would have cooked me a nice meal : )
we rarely even talk to eachother throughout the day anymore. he never emails me anymore, if i try and send him a message on msn, i feel like i'm bothering him, he never messages me, i'm the one who has to contact him. he always says he's too busy...
I've talked to him about this and he says i need to start lowering my expectations and that we aren't in puppy love anymore. it's not like he doesn't do sweet things for me ever.. the other day i came home and he had bought my favorite ice tea drink for me and put it in the fridge so it would be there for me when i got home... that's really sweet, but i guess i just still expect him to be Mr.Romantic forever... i know relationships change over time, and all that stuff isn't going to last forever but it's so hard when he was so hard core in the beginning that now it's like I have to quit cold turkey, you know? it's such a big adjustment...
I probably sound like a little princess, but i swear i'm not, i just feel like these days i'm putting way more into this relationship than he is... Advice is always nice : )

You both are going through substantial change in your careers which will have direct influence on other parts of your life.
>>Loving behavior and habits should last a lifetime, IMO, and shouldnt stop just because you move in together or get married or pass a certain time in the relationship like 9 months<<
Basically, one should start out as the person they really are.
"Basically, one should start out as the person they really are.
You said - "They know the courtship drill and once they have the woman then they slack off because deep down romance is not important to them."
That's quite the statement to make.
What we do know as men is that it is virtually impossible to maintain and grow the pace and intensity of romance given that it is directly tied to infatuation in the first 6 to 12 months of a relationship.
No, I'm not such a romantic.
Ragingangel wrote "They know the courtship drill and once they have the woman then they slack off because deep down romance is not important to them."
Spice, as usual, I agree with you.
However, I should point out that most of women have dated men just like Angel described.