How do I get him back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
How do I get him back?
6
Mon, 07-07-2008 - 6:53am

A few months ago, I met a great guy online. He was overseas and was moving out to my area and wanted to make some friends before he came over. We talked over webcams until the early hours of the morning, we flirted, we became a dirty little secret with each other. (Who wants to admit they were falling for someone over a webcam?) He came out on a brief lay-over and everything clicked with us, he was a gentleman, he was funny, sweet, honest, and amazingly handsome. We ended up making out like teenagers in my car the just before his plane took off! And when he came back, as much as we tried to cool things off, they just took off! He was apartment hunting and waiting for his orders to kick in (He used some of his leave to scope the area out) and I offered for him to stay with me. We tried to take things slow, and we really couldn't help ourselves and by the end of the week, we were acting like we'd been together for months.
Then, a few weeks later, he wanted to talk. He wanted to explore this new place and as much as he liked me, he wanted to explore the people around him too. I was a big girl, said that was fine understandable, and we would always be great friends. But things were moving too fast and right now he wanted someone he couldn't see himself staying with for long. And with me, he could see himself staying with me for a very long time.
The next weekend I come over (He still lives a way from me) and slept over, we ended up sleeping together and telling ourselves it was a one time thing, it would never happen again.
We still talk to each other daily, we're great friends... but there's still something there. He doesn't talk to me about meeting new people, though I've offered advice to him on how to get dates (no matter how much I kick myself later) and he shies away from any conversation when I bring up the fact I'm looking too.
I know I made a mess out of everything and we moved way too fast, but we talked about that, and as he said, "Sometimes, it's just the way things work out." everything just clicked so well with us...
... I miss him so much, I find myself out on dates with guys and constantly comparing them to him. I try not to text him, and when I don't, he texts me. I find it harder and harder to walk that fine line when, really, I just want him back.

Is there any way I can get him back without cutting myself off from him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 07-07-2008 - 8:22am

You can't win someone that doesn't want to be won. Sorry. Once you come to this realization then you'll be able to be happy without him, but I know right now it doesn't mean much. If he wanted to be with you then he would. There's no way he doesn't know that door isn't open, he's just not walking through. You can't push him through it, because he doesn't want to. That's his right as a human who has free will.

Until you DO cut off contact with this guy, all of your dates with other men will continue to be half-assed and unsatisfactory.

This isn't the answer you wanted to hear and for that I apologize. But it's the only answer I know how to give you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Mon, 07-07-2008 - 9:55am
It definitely sounds like there is still something there. That is not the kind of thing you can just ignore for long. It also sounds like he got freaked out because things were moving so quickly, but i definitely think he is still interested. I say go for it! I would just give him some time to come around, because if it is meant to be, I think it will all work out for you guys! Good luck!! let us know how it goes =]
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 07-07-2008 - 12:19pm

Welcome to the board caffinecrazy,.


As long as

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Thu, 07-10-2008 - 5:18am
It's funny you say that, because I forgot to mention we're going on vacation to this little town a few hours away in a few weeks! Seriously, why would you agree to go on a three day vacation with a girl out in the middle of no-where, all by yourselves, if there was no chance?
Men are dumb.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Thu, 07-10-2008 - 7:52am

I think it was good for him to be up front with you and tell you the truth about how he feels.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2007
Thu, 07-10-2008 - 10:06am

"It's funny you say that, because I forgot to mention we're going on vacation to this little town a few hours away in a few weeks! Seriously, why would you agree to go on a three day vacation with a girl out in the middle of no-where, all by yourselves, if there was no chance?
Men are dumb."


He's agreeing because he knows you are good company, you will have sex with him, and you DO NOT need a relationship to do so.